Imaginary Conversations: Strange Days

I haven't done an Imaginary Conversation in a while. Enjoy.

"Strange Days"

So you know what's odd?

Everything. Literally everything lately.

Ok, yes, point taken. Actually, that is kind of the whole crux of what my argument was going to be, but thanks for summing it up so succinctly.

 Sorry. You were doing the whole "you know what's weird" and then I was supposed to reply with a "huh" and then we were going to have a conversation.

Pretty much, yeah that was what I was going for

Ok, do you want to start again? Or.. here I will help. What is odd?

Ugh this is not working out how I wanted to

Do you want to talk about something else?

No, I really want to talk about this but now this conversation is going absolutely sideways

You mean how everything is going completely sideways

Yep

So what is odd specifically that you wanted to talk about?

Well ok, yeah everything. I wanted to talk about how fucking odd everything is lately. But I guess specifically I wanted to talk about Elon Musk building this giant drill

Still have that hard on for Elon Musk, huh?

I don't have a fucking hard on for Elon Musk the guy is just an asshole capitalist like all of them that's not my fucking point.

Yeesh, sorry.

So my point is that Elon Musk could build this giant drill and then hold people hostage like an honest to god supervillain and people would be like "oh, huh... I guess that's a thing now"

Oh, I see what you are getting at.

Yeah, like he could announce he has a robot army and people wouldn't bat an eye. Like the world has gotten so fucking bonkers that nothing is phasing anybody anymore.

Well, that's not true. People are marching and doing all of that.

Oh I know, I mean... I dunno its hard to articulate. I think we talked about it a while ago where that lady is keeping track of all the crazy shit that happens every week in a totalitarian government so that we can really see how much has changed.

Yeah yeah.. and you were saying something like how so much shit has changed it is hard to even keep track of all the shit that has changed.

 Yes, exactly. It's like... man we have gotten used to the world being fucking bonkers haven't we?

I dunno. I am not "used" to anything. I feel like I am living in some kind of alternate reality still

Oh yes absolutely. I'm not saying that. I guess I mean... It's like we are living in an alternate reality. Like there is just so much fucking horrible crazy shit that if more horrible crazy shit happened it would just be like "ugh jeez more horrible crazy shit. Well that's to be expected in this horrible crazy shit-verse we live in now"

I get ya. Like it is just more shit piled on to the old shit. It isn't new shit anymore. It isn't as surprising.

No, not at all. Its like... well, ok so this is kind of homophobic, but its like how there is this trope now that super anti-gay Republican politicians are actually secretly gay. Like that wasn't a trope that really existed before a bunch of them turned out to be secretly gay. And now it is this, albeit somewhat homophobic, trope that the Congressman doth protest too much. It wouldn't surprise anybody of any super right wing guy was discovered with a secret gay lover because we are just used to that by now. 

I see what you are saying but I absolutely hate that trope as a thing

I know, I just meant it as an example. I didn't mean to offend.

I just fucking hate that shit.  I hate the whole making Trump and Putin gay in pictures shit.  It just reinforces stereotypes about masculinity and homosexuality.  It is total bullshit

I get it, I'm sorry. I just meant the example.  Like it doesn't surprise people anymore, is what I meant. I guess the point I was trying to make is that things are so horrible that more horrible things are just added onto the pile of horrible things that already exist.

But doesn't resigning to the inevitability of horrible things happening enable them to happen?  Isn't it our complacency in things like police violence, our lack of a reaction, that lead to such things becoming normalized?

I guess that is true.  I suppose I was just kind of acknowledging that it is true you know what I mean? It is insane to me that the most bonkers thing could happen and people would just accept it as a matter of course.  It is insane to me that people who voted for Trump still support him even if they believe that Russia helped him win.  Like, its one thing if they don't believe that Russia helped him.  I get that.  Like I get it is hard to know what to believe and fake news and blah blah.  I really do understand that part of it.  But they did this survey and these Trump supporters were like yes they support Trump even if he collaborated with Russia.  Like they are ok with treason now.  When the fuck did THAT happen?  When did people become ok with just whatever?

9/11

Really?  Because I kind of feel like this is a newish development. Are you talking about like 9/11 truthers specifically?

Well yes and no.  Mostly just the act itself.  It was insane wasn't it?  They flew airplanes into buildings and caused them to come crashing down, killing thousands of people.  I mean that's not a thing that happens in real life.  That is like some movie shit.  That isn't real.

Yeah it was pretty insane

But it happened.  And from that moment things were just different, things were just a little off. People were more afraid.  People were scared that something like that could happen again.  I mean this thing that nobody thought could possibly happen ever, nobody could imagine, now people were afraid.  It was like Godzilla had come and stomped around and then even if Godzilla died there is this lingering fear like "Oh shit, what if there is another Godzilla."

I think I am following

So the aftermath of 9/11 were all of our shitty wars and all of that.  And the thing is, the way people talked it was as if we lived in a different world.  People who were against torture for their whole lives, who may have even voted Democrat, suddenly started saying things like the terrorists don't deserve sympathy, that torture was ok, that bombing was justified if it got one bad guy.

Ugh, yeah.  I heard so many people I thought were pretty liberal say some seriously jingoistic weird shit in the early 2000s

Those weird impulses didn't go away all because Bush did, all because we had Obama.  I mean, people just started to accept continuous war as a thing.  We have been at war continuously for like 16 years.  Like ok we are mostly done with the war stuff in Afghanistan but not really.  We still have troops on the ground getting killed and killing others.  We have just accepted this. Continuous war was not a normal thing.  But now we just accept it. We accept that in this world "full" of terrorists that it is ok to be continuously at war.

Shit, I never really thought about it that way but yeah you are kind of right

I mean before that we had the Cold War, that was the normal.  It was normal for people to think that nuclear war could happen at any time.  It is new to us thinking about that because we haven't thought about nuclear war in a long time, but that was totally normal for them back then.  Anything completely bonkers becomes normal if it lasts long enough.

You know what is REALLY odd, though?

Ok, I know how to play now.  What?

That we have all these villains.  We have HYDRA basically, but we don't have any superheroes.

Well, I mean come on super powers aren't exactly realistic.

Yeah I know that.  Vigilantes I mean.  I mean even old school Scarlet Pimpernel or Zorro style vigilantes.  Like these poor people are being detained by ICE and deported and stuff and you are telling me that we can't even get like ONE dude dressed as Zorro freeing people from detention centers?  We have these hackers going around releasing emails for the other side, but not ONE is really doing good for the resistance?  What the fuck is up with that?

Oh honey... I have some bad news for you.

Huh?

People are shitty.

Well, I mean there have to be SOME people who aren't shitty, right?

You would think.  But there you go.  Nobody IS out there dressing up in costume and fighting the man like that.  Yes people are marching, yes people are resisting in ways that might get them arrested and released but nobody is doing that definitely illegal stuff that would get them sent to prison for a long time on behalf of anybody.

Well there are Antifas

Yeah there are Antifas but come on have you seen one of them REALLY do anything other than punch a few Nazis?

Well, that is something right?  What do you want them to do?

You were the one who said you wanted to see superheroes.  I'm just saying that's about all you are going to get.  Nobody's gonna do anything that will get them more than a misdemeanor assault charge or a little dumb vandalism of banks.  What do YOU want them to do?

Well, I probably shouldn't say

If you response to the question is "I probably shouldn't say" then I'm going to DEFINITELY say you shouldn't say and lets get off this topic of conversation as swiftly as possible

Fine without specifics I am just curious why nobody is willing to do more than just punch the occasional Nazi.

Well why aren't you?  You read enough comic books.  You could go to the gym, get jacked, put on a suit and fight crime.

I don't have time to go to the gym like that.  I mean like... I dunno... an ex military person or whatever.  Somebody with skills to actually be a superhero.

You don't have time to go to the gym... that is your response to why you aren't fighting fascism.  I am.. I just don't even have any words.

Oh fuck you.  Why aren't you going out there fighting crime?  You are more fit than I am

Oh, that's a really simple one:  because I enjoy my life and I don't particularly want to die or get incarcerated for the rest of my life.  Also pain is ouchy.

Pain is ouchy.  I just...

What?  You asked.  I mean I tried to tell you.  There aren't superheroes in real life because nobody wants to take risks like that.  We did get Chelsea Manning.  She WAS willing to risk prison to release information she thought would help our country, to reveal things she thought were wrong.  That's about all you are going to get, ya know?  You are asking for some kind of hypothetical person who is hyper competent in multiple ways (fighting, computer skills, espionage), who doesn't have a family or is willing to leave their family behind, and who is willing to put themselves in harms way for no reward other than the betterment of mankind.  This person doesn't exist.  They exist in comics because that is what people wish was real but real people aren't like that.  There isn't anybody in real life who is like that.

Really, you don't think there is anybody like that?

I mean YOU were the one who asked the question.  You were the one who said it was weird.  I'm saying it isn't weird at all.  It is human nature.  We imagine heroes because there aren't any in real life. It is wish fulfillment precisely because it is a wish, not reality.  The reality is, as we have learned in the study of history, that people and their governments are more often shitty than not.  That people are motivated by greed, that absolute power corrupts, that even well-intentioned people do terrible things. I DO still feel like we are living in this strange alternate reality.  I DO feel this sense that things have gotten worse.  I guess I just have started to realize that "bad" is kind of the default.

That's awfully pessimistic isn't it.

I think its realistic.  Even before the election you were talking about how you didn't want to have to join the resistance like you were Katniss or in Star Wars or whatever.  Nobody does.  Those people who were REALLY part of the resistance, the French Resistance?  A whole lot of them died.  We idolize them and we remember them because they were remarkable not because they are the norm.  Making a conscious decision to sacrifice your life for a cause is not something that everybody can do.

Yeah...

Listen.  Everything IS crazy.  Everything IS odd.  Nothing seems to make sense.  And complacency IS bad and by no means should you accept that things are going to be like this forever and get defeatist.  But.... and a BIG but, no hero is going to come and save us.  Heroes don't exist.  I would believe in supervillains before I believe in superheroes.  We don't need heroes, we need people to do the hard work.

That sounds hard

It is

Fuck

Yep

I just hate how shitty everybody has become lately.  How the shitty people have been emboldened by this administration.  What are we supposed to do?

Just be less shitty.  Just do what we can to be less shitty.  That's all anybody can do.

That sucks

I know

A lot

I know

Fuck

Yep

Imaginary Conversations - Quiet

You've been kind of quiet lately

Yeah

Do you want to talk about anything?  I mean there is a lot going on

No

You don't want to talk?  Not at all?

I just... I don't even know what to say.  I don't even know what to say that hasn't already been said, that I've already said to you, that other people have said better, that I've seen in the news.  Just... nothing.  Everything is complete and utter shit is that what you want to hear?

I just want to be here for you.  I just want you to know that you have somebody who will listen to you.  If you don't want to talk, don't talk.  That's okay too.

Fine

Okay

You know what the shittiest thing of all is?

Hm?

I can't shut it out. I used to be able to.  I mean it is horrible of me, but I used to be able to shut it out.  Before... before the election, before this whole thing I just... I mean I knew people were suffering.  I wasn't dumb.  But I guess I was... well it didn't really affect me directly and I was kind of selfish and shitty and... I dunno I just shut it out.  I mean I got angry, don't get me wrong but... but I didn't think about it constantly.

I mean of course you didn't.  We talked about this after Orlando, I think.  That tragedy causes us to react, that we don't mourn every single person that dies in car accidents or murdered by their spouses or killed in a war.  You can't possibly carry that burden around with you all the time

See... that's my problem.  Its like... it used to be specific.  It used be like... .I dunno... like for a week I would carry Philando Castile's name in my heart and I would think about him and how the police are such shit but then after a week or maybe even less than a week I would let him go.  It was just one... it was like one at a time... or maybe like in the case of Orlando or bigger things its like I would think about those people at once. I would think about one act of terror, one shooting, one thing.  They would be there in my heart and then they would be gone.  I... It was kind of fake.  I know it is fake.  It is like those people who changed their profile to the French flag after the attacks or whatever it is just such superficial mourning bullshit I don't know...

What are you trying to say?

What I'm trying to say is... What I'm trying to say is that it isn't going away anymore.  What I'm trying to say is that even right after those police shootings I would say that is shitty and part of me would move on.  And maybe that was good.  Maybe it was good to move on because I can't carry the anger and sadness with me all the time.  Or maybe it was bad because I allowed myself to be comfortable in my life and not care enough.  I don't know.  In either case I let it go.  I could go to the movies, I could go about my day, I could live my life...

And now?

I can't live anymore

You can't... do you need to talk to somebody?  Are you thinking of hurting yourself?

No, no.. not I can't live... I mean I can't LIVE.  Like... I can't just zone out.  I can't just get drunk and watch a silly movie.  I haven't been able to just completely turn it off.  Even if I'm high and watching old episodes of Parks and Rec I am thinking about how we are completely and totally fucked.  Even when I am looking at cat pictures on my computer, I have another window open of like fucking nuclear bunkers for sale near by.  I haven't been able to read an actual book in ages.  I can't concentrate.  I can't focus.  Every time I lie in bed at night in the dark, in the quiet... The quiet isn't quiet.  My mind is full of thoughts and I can't shut it off.

That's anxiety.

Well no shit

I mean it though, that is the kind of anxiety that you need to get help for.

But I don't want help.  I mean I want help but not the kind pills can give me.  Unless they are pills I can slip into the drink of our new dictator that will take care of the problem permanently.

I thought you said you weren't going to talk like that anymore

Sorry.

It's okay, you just really need to think about what you are saying.

No, you know what?  I'm not sorry.  I'm not fucking sorry.  I want him dead, ok.  That's it.  I am in absolutely no position to take care of it myself, though god I wish I was, but I do.  I know it won't solve all the problems, I know that maybe it won't do anything at all, but god help me I want him dead more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.  He is a fucking cancer.

This kind of thinking isn't healthy and its also kind of... I dunno... like treason-ish

Fuck it.  So often people talk about like using a magical god damn time machine and killing Hitler and whatever and here we are and we don't need any time machine at all and where are all these people now, huh?  Nobody will just go out there and say it.  Well here I am.  I'm saying it.  We need to roll out a god damned guillotine and start the fucking Revolution already

But you aren't, are you

No.  No.  Fuck it.  Fuck. I know.  That's the point.  I am pissed off that nobody is doing anything but I'm not doing anything either.  I guess I just thought there would be people better than me, leaders... I don't know.  And revolutions are bullshit and they never end well and the poor and vulnerable never get all that they hoped for and.... god damn it, nothing really will help will it?

I wouldn't...

No.  I mean that's it. Nothing will fucking help.  Nothing ever changes.  Nothing ever happens.  We are just screwed

I think... and I am not trying to attack you or anything... but I think because you are thinking in extremes you are contenting yourself to inaction and fantasies.  Yes, an actual honest to god revolution would be horrible and bloody and awful for so, so many people.  And yet you seem to think that the only other alternative is helplessness, is just a loss of hope entirely, is a resignation of complete and total destruction.  There has to be some kind of middle path.

I know there is.  I know there does... but I can't even see it.  I can't even see that far.  I feel like I'm drowning and I don't even see land.

So start swimming

But what is the point?  I don't know where to go.  I don't know what direction to swim in.

So you want to just drown?

But... I don't know if this swimming analogy even really works because I'm not even swimming.  To say that I'm swimming implies that I have some kind of control at all.  All I can do is call people and speak to interns.  What the fuck good does that do?  These people don't care.

So do something else

What?

It isn't my job to figure that out for you

Well then what fucking help was that

I said I would be here for you, not that I could solve all your problems that easily

Shit.

I think there is a march next week are you marching?

Yes I'm marching.  Yes I'm fucking marching.  I would march every god damn day if I felt it would do something.  Well... no.  No I wouldn't, would I?  I need to go to work and I have shit that I am responsible for I am not in a position to actually get arrested or anything.  How did those people do it?  How did they risk so much?  It makes me depressed.

How so?

It makes me depressed that these people risked everything, risked their lives, got beaten and spat on and boycotted even though it was financially hard on them and we sit here and we have a holiday celebrating the best of them, celebrating Dr. King, but when it comes down to it, when it really comes down to it, I am not... I'm not worthy. I am not good enough... I don't stand up.  It is all easier in abstraction, easier to say what you might do when it isn't actually happening.  It is easier to think about in theory.  I'm just mad at myself.

Mad that you don't do enough?

Yes, exactly.  Mad that I say that I will live by the examples of the people who came before me, of the union workers who went on strike in the bitter cold, of the civil rights leaders and on and on... How am I really living by their example as comfortable as I am?  And yet instead of doing something, instead of getting out there, I sit in the quiet and let my anxiety consume me, miserable about the future but feeling incapable of doing anything.  I don't know what to do.

Neither do I

That isn't very helpful

I know

I just have to do something

Maybe we will figure it out together

Would you do that?

Sure

Ok.

Are you feeling more hopeful?

Eh

"Eh" is better than no

Yeah, I guess it is.  I guess "eh" is better than no.

I can work with "Eh"

Imaginary Conversations - The Beginning

This conversation is imaginary.  You know the drill. The rest are here.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Yeah, pretty much"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Feel better?"

"I don't know what to do anymore"

"I know"

"I want to keep fighting but I am broken"

"I know"

"I'm starting to question my very sanity.  I don't understand how these people don't realize what is happening.  I don't understand how they can say things are business as usual.  I don't know how they can be so callus about people's lives.  I don't know how they can't see how he is consolidating power.  I don't know how they can't see..."

"Neither do I"

"Whenever you watch movies... and I hate to compare this to a movie, but I have to because I really have no other basis for comparison right now.  Whenever you watch movies, it is always at the end."

"Huh?"

"It is at the end.  It is after a period of 10-30 years of horrible, sometimes more, and the good guys stop the bad guys after years of planning and organizing and stuff."

"I see what you are saying"

"Like even Rogue One, which was before the end, which was the catalyst for the end, took place in the context of a Rebellion that had been growing over a period of years, a Rebellion that had an infrastructure and stuff, you know what I am saying."

"I do.  You are saying we are in the prequels."

"Yeah, sort of. This is just the beginning.  It has just started.  I always thought that if I was there at the beginning that I would know what to do to stop it.  That if everybody saw it for what it was they would stop it.  Like if Senator Palpatine was unmasked as a Sith before power had been consolidated that everybody would be ok and we would have never had Darth Vader or any of it."

"But you are starting to realize that unmasking a Sith is harder than you thought?  Or that it isn't enough?"

"That it isn't enough, I guess.  That even if somebody saw Palpatine Force choking somebody they would think like 'well maybe he just happened to choke on a pretzel at the same time.' That even if they saw the evil right in front of their eyes they would either think the evil is justified for their own protection or that there was no evil and the evil wasn't really there at all.  There was no Force, there was no Sith. It was just make believe."

"Fake News."

"Yeah, exactly.  Like you know how Rey and Finn are all super surprised that the Force is real?  Even back in the original trilogy, Han called it a superstition and stuff. That always struck me.  There used to be this organization of magical Force wielding Jedi that everybody believed in and then all of a sudden people stopped believing that such a thing could even exist.  They knew the Empire controlled everything, but they probably didn't even believe that the Emperor was a Sith, even after all that time. None of it was real.  All of it was pretend."

"I've read somewhere that most people in the Star Wars universe probably couldn't read, that communication was really difficult.   Things were still very much like videos only, not a whole lot of real written records.  Plus, as we saw in Rogue One, storage of records was really bad.  You take one thing and that's the entire record of that thing, there are like no other copies of anything anywhere.  I could understand how information could be distorted in that environment."

"So do I, and I have definitely read articles about that before.  What I struggle with is, yeah, that whole Fake News thing.  Just that people might as well not be able to read, might as well be like the people in Star Wars, because they don't trust anything.  And maybe they shouldn't trust everything because there is so much propaganda, and information is so easy to distort, but when you trust nothing it is as though nothing is really there.  You can show a person the truth but they won't believe it because it doesn't conform to their world view.  They might as well be living on Tatooine and thinking that the notion of this Death Star is some kind of myth."

"I totally get that.  It is frustrating to be sure to hear from these people who said they didn't trust the government when Obama was President all of a sudden trust the government now.  Now it is the government that is good and the people who are obstructionists who are bad.  Now when the government detains people who have lawfully immigrated to this country it is good, but when the government tried to restrict who had access to guns it was bad.  They have this idea that they need these guns to rise up against an oppressive government but when the oppressive government gets here they are happy as clams because it isn't oppressing them.  They are just so full of shit."

"Wow you have gotten angry."

"I have gotten angry"

"You used to be the sensible one and I used to be the angry, depressed, anxious one."

"That was before."

"So what now?"

"Now everybody is either angry or deluded.  Everyone is either sad or they are complacent. Everyone is either able to ignore what is happening or is trying to fight it.  We live in different worlds"

"Are things that black and white though?  I don't think they are.  God look at me, I am trying to be sensible.  I mean there are probably people who think things are bad but not THAT bad and they won't believe that it is really bad until it gets too bad."

"Those are the people that frustrate me the most.  How bad does it have to get?  How horrible?  What has to happen?"

"I know. It isn't enough to say that Palpatine is a Sith, they don't believe if they see him Force choking somebody, what needs to happen?  If they see him shooting lightning out of his fingertips will they believe that is the Force or will they think that a freak lightning storm just happened that day."

"Life isn't like Star Wars."

"No.  Life isn't like Star Wars or Harry Potter or any of it.  Life isn't even like movies about the French Revolution or the American Revolution or the Communist Revolution.  Those were movies.  Even if you lived then it wouldn't be like in the movies.  Nothing is like in the movies.  Movies are easy."

"Movies are easy; life is hard."

"But what do you do when your life becomes closer to a movie than to your life?  What the fuck do you do?  I don't know how to live in this kind of world, in this movie world.  What are people supposed to do in these situations?  What happens now?"

"I guess people move on and live their lives the best they can"

"But how?!  I don't know how to do that!  Nobody prepared me to live in this kind of world, the kind of world where the court orders something but the government just doesn't comply.  I mean what the actual fuck!?  I don't even know how to respond to that.  Bush was bad but Jesus at least I felt like he believed vaguely in the rule of law.  I mean they would torture people but at least they would have the courtesy to go through the song and dance of not calling it torture instead of saying just like point blank, 'yeah we should torture people again, that was a good idea.'"

"I know.  It is nuts.  This whole thing is nuts.  I want to just go back to talking about stupid bullshit again and not politics"

"YES!  I wish politics just faded into the background again, like it wasn't so urgent.  Man, during Obama I was so relaxed.  I mean, not all the time, but just generally, ya know?  There were months that went by where I didn't think about Cabinet positions.  Shit, like I forgot John Kerry was Secretary of State for a bit.  The news didn't affect me, nothing really changed all that much, things were just..."

"Things were normal"

"Yep"

"This is not normal"

"None of it is normal.  I am so tired of saying how not normal everything is, but I don't even know how to stop.  Like if giraffes started flying one minute and then the next minute the grass was orange and just when you are dealing with that weirdness bananas taste like apples or something"

"I know what you are saying"

"There is this thing we are supposed to be doing like tracking all the little changes so we can see just how not normal everything is, but like there are so many!  Ugh! God I want to just be able to not think for 5 god damned minutes but I can't shut it off.  No wonder I've been drinking more."

"I think a lot of people have been drinking more or smoking more or fucking more or whatever it is people do to not think about this relentless march toward fascism."

"I think that is really my only consolation: that most people, not everybody, but most people I am friends with or who are in my life are just as freaked the fuck out as I am.  It makes me feel like I am not alone."

"We are all in this together."

"We are.  I didn't even know what that expression meant before, but yeah.  We are all in this together."

"And we have to fight it together."

"But I don't even know how to do that?  Like I have my Congresspeople and Senators in my phone contacts.  I call them a bunch but hardly ever get through even to a voicemail.  I go to marches when I can.  I send free faxes to people and shit.  Like is that it?  Is that the resistance?"

"What did you expect?  What did you want?"

"I don't know what I want really I just... Ok yeah alright I expected things to be more drastic.  I expected people to start... I dunno... being more like the antifas."

"So you are saying people should start burning things with more frequency?  Are you advocating for domestic terrorism?"

"Noooooo?  No. Maybe? No.  I don't know.  No.  I'm just saying like... no.  I am not saying anything."

"I mean it kind of sounds like that is what you are saying."

"I guess what I am saying is that how bad will it have to get?  What will have to happen?  What will it take for the people to get there?  What will it take for that not to be fringe? You know what I'm saying?"

"I don't know.  What do you think it will take?"

"I mean I don't know either, but as peoples rights are getting taken away and we are witnessing the decline of our nation and cabinet positions are bought and sold it feels like all this letter writing and calling voicemails and walking around with cute hats on seems like bullshit.  Like it seems like we are past the point of being nice.  That our so-called democracy and our so-called president are illegitimate and something needs to happen.  Something more than writing letters.  The entire system doesn't care about its citizens.  All Congress wants to do is disenfranchise voters, promote their Christian agenda, and make money.  Like you can't fight that with well reasoned arguments.  What the fuck is the point?"

"So you say you want a revolution?"

"I... yes?  Will I get in trouble for saying that?  Yes.  I do.  Listen.  Every other Western democracy has gone through many periods of change and transition.  They have written entirely new Constitutions.  They have completely changed their governments en masse.  I'm not saying that such a thing would be so terrible.  I mean it will be.  It would be terrible.  But it seems like it is necessary.  I don't know.  I don't even know."

"I know."

"I don't know how I can make it through 4 years of this.  I have barely survived 2 weeks.  I can feel my body rejecting this administration."

"We have to just pace ourselves and do what we can.  I know you want things faster, more dramatic, like a movie, but life isn't like that and you know it."

"I do.  Oh good, you are back to being sensible again.  I really need you to be sensible."

"I try."

"I guess that's all any of us can do: try"

"I guess so."
     

Imaginary Conversations - This is Fine

This is the latest in my series of Imaginary Conversations.  You can read the rest here.



So how are you holding up?

What do you mean?

I mean, you were pretty stressed out before.  I'm just wondering how you are handling everything. There have been a lot of scary things in the news lately; I just want to make sure you are ok.

Oh!  Yeah, I'm fine.

Are you sure?  I just want you to know that if you need anybody to talk to I am here for you.  Or you could talk to like a professional or something

No, I don't think that's necessary.  I'm fine.  I realized I was overreacting

Oh... oh well if you are sure.

Yeah.  I mean, nothing has happened yet and I was getting myself all worked up over nothing.

Well, I don't know if it was nothing.  I think it is okay to feel a little anxious about what the future holds.

No, it was silly. Everything is fine.  I really think we need to just give him a chance and the universe will just work itself out

Um... this really doesn't sound like you at all

I don't know what you mean.  This is exactly how I sound.  I'm talking aren't I?

Well... yeaaahhh... but I mean, you being so optimistic and saying you will give him a chance and all that.  You sound kind of... you are kind of freaking me out actually by how calm you seem today.  I mean I don't want you freaking out all the time and I was actually getting kind of worried about you talking about the end of the world, but now you seem sort of... off.

I really don't know what you are talking about.  I was really stressed out before and taking my stress out on the world, trying to place blame on others when the blame is really on myself.  It was a lot easier to say the world was going to end than to admit that I hadn't done anything productive with my life.

Um... well... no, I mean no that isn't exactly what you were talking about before.  I mean, you were talking about the end of the world but you were also talking about how you are scared and angry and like... wanted to murder the...

Hahahah.  You are so funny.  Always making jokes.

Riiiight.  I mean you weren't actually going to go out and do anything, but I don't think that you were joking when you said you would be happy if he just dropped....

Let me stop you right there.  Are you implying that I wish harm done to the president elect, the man whom our nation voted into office by an overwhelming margin?  Why nothing can be further from the truth!  This is America, and I firmly believe in democracy.  We don't throw a fit when we don't get our way.  That would be just silly and wrong.  We rally behind our leaders and we pray to our Almighty God that they have the strength to protect this glorious and beautiful nation.

Okay now I am officially creeped the fuck out.  Have you eaten or drunk anything unusual lately?  Have you been visited by people wearing matching jumpsuits?

Well I don't have the slightest idea what that is implying. I just love America and everything that America stands for.  We just all need to be good patriots and realize that even though that crooked, horrible woman I inexplicably voted for didn't win the election that it will all be for the best and we will grow stronger and more prosperous along the way.

What in the actual fuck is happening right now?

You seem really agitated.  Perhaps you need to relax.  Maybe watch one of your favorite humorous TV shows.  Might I suggest Family Guy?  So hilarious.

What... I just... are you...

Don't stutter dear.  Speak English properly like a good American does.  We are all good Americans and we all speak English very good.

Very well, you mean

Well... good... it's all the same isn't it.  No need to be an elitist about it.

I mean I'm no grammar Nazi but...

Oh there you go with the Nazi again.  Always with the hyperbole.  We need to just get that word out of our vocabulary, shall we.

Um... I'm not gonna lie I am kind of scared right now.  Like legit pretty terrified.  Did you go to a reeducation camp or something?  What the fuck happened to you?

Nothing happened.  Nothing happened at all.  Everything is fine.  This is all fine.  We are all fine.

Well, except for the people that aren't fine.  Except for the people under rubble in Aleppo, the people who will lose their health insurance, who will be discriminated against, who will die.  Those people aren't fine.  The mentally disabled black boy who was raped by a white student who will get no jail time isn't fine.  The young men shot by police aren't fine.  The Muslims kicked off of planes aren't fine.  Lots of people won't be fine.  This is not fucking fine at all.

Oh my goodness, you are worked up

Will you quit it with the fucking oh my goodness bullshit.  You sound like the 2 dimensional antagonist in a fucking bad dystopian novel right now.  Quit the fucking around and talk like yourself.

This is myself.  This is me.  I am talking.  Nobody else is talking for me.  These opinions are mine.

Bull fucking shit.  I was just talking to you the other day and you were talking about doomsday clocks counting down and some kind of totalitarian regime.  You said we were becoming like Libya or whatever.  You were even talking about deleting your facebook and twitter because you were worried about all that stuff you said about killing... Wait a minute

Yes?

Are you doing some kind of crazy ass method acting right now?  Are you preparing for government intrusion on our internet conversations?  Are you fucking with me?

Why, whatever do you mean?

You are fucking with me aren't you?  You are pretending to be some kind of good little American because you are worried about the corrupt FBI spying on your conversations or something aren't you? You saw that he is still being guarded by private security instead of the Secret Service and you are thinking this is how the Gestapo began, right?  I get it now.

Hahahah What an overactive imagination you have! And there is absolutely no reason why I would need to pretend to be a good little American because I AM a good American.  I love America so very, very much.  I love the flag and everything it stands for.  I love that we live in a good and strong Christian nation with the greatest and best military in the world and the greatest and best economy that will only get greater and better.   Everything is going to be just fine and dandy.

Uh huh...

Absolutely.  And of course any undesirable people who are not fine and dandy might need a nudge in the right direction.  But certainly not me because I am a good American and I love my country so very much.

HAH! I knew it.

Knew what?  Knew just how much I love my dear and precious America.  That gorgeous and beautiful flag that I love so much I want to roll around on it with my naked body.

Um... really?  Naked body?

Too far, huh?

Uh... yeah, just a bit.

Dammit.  I need to dial it back.

I totally called it

Called what, dear?

I called it.  I called that you are doing a bit.  You are doing this long and involved bit to prove some kind of stupid point.

Not at all.  I really and truly love America this much!  And while I don't agree with everything our new Dear Leader has to say, I will obey his commands because he will be, after all, the Commander in Chief.

Yeah that was a little much again.

A bit much to love our leaders as much as I love our nation?  That is "a bit much" is it?  Well, I really don't even know what to say to that.

Okay this bit is getting old.  I already caught you.  You already broke character.

That's preposterous.  There is no character to break.  This is just me.  Me and only me being me.  Telling you truthfully how very much I love our country.

Ugh. Enough already.  Change of topic.  Did you see Rogue One?

You mean that film about those terrorists who destroyed a government instillation in an attempt to smuggle out state secrets?

Alright, I'm done with this conversation now.

Aww don't go.

Are you willing to admit that you are just doing some dumb Stepford character yet?  Are you willing to talk to me like an actual human being because I'm fucking done having a conversation with a robot.

Not all robots are bad

Well no, I mean I think robots are actually pretty cool.  I don't mean to talk smack about robots.

Robots just comply with their programming.  K2S0 was an Imperial droid before he was reprogrammed.

Yes.... Yes he was

And if a droid were, say, behind Imperial lines trying to go undetected then the droid might not want to draw attention to itself

Uh huh... So is that is what is happening now?

It... it might

And is the droid scared?  Is it doing its little scared bloops and bleeps?

Um... bloop

I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  Are you going to be okay?  I mean really?

I don't even know what okay means anymore.

I know.

This isn't fine.

No

This isn't normal.

No.

Will we... what's gonna happen?

I don't know.

They assassinated that dude

Yeah

I didn't really think people just got straight up assassinated anymore

Yeah

I watched that movie Suffragette the other day

How was it?

Eh it was okay. A little slow.  Did you know those ladies burned houses down and shit? They bombed Lloyd George's house.

I did not

Neither did I.  I thought the suffragettes just marched in parades and stuff.  It turns out they were kind of like terrorists a little bit.

But they were right weren't they?

I know, that's the thing

So what are you saying?

Nothing.  Nothing at all.  Just saw a movie is all.  It made me think.

About....?

Uh.. um... nothing.  Just, ya know in general.  Too much thinking is bad for my delicate female brain though.  I should probably stop.

Yeaaahh...

Um... we should probably end this conversation before I say something I shouldn't.

That might be a good idea.

Imaginary Conversations - Clocks

This is the latest in my series of Imaginary Conversations.  You can read the rest here.  This one is... not so imaginary.



What the Hell is even happening anymore?

I don't even fucking know

Like I literally have no idea what is happening right now.  Have I taken crazy pills?  I feel like I've woken up in fucking crazy town.

Well to that pill analogy, perhaps it is more like the Matrix where it has always been like this but now you see the people hooked up to the machine and you are like "What the fuck?  When did this happen?" But it has always been like that.

I mean I get your point, but I really don't think it has always been exactly just like this.  I'm pretty sure this new shit is a whole different round of what-the-fuckery than the normal shit.  I mean even taking into account my privilege and my lack of experience with some of the normal shit that other people have to deal with, this shit seems like pretty crazy fucking shit.  

Fair enough

Is this what it was like during the Cold War?

Huh?

I mean this feeling.  This feeling like the world is going to end.  Or even if it isn't going to end that it could end.  Like that big end of the world clock deal that they have is closer to fucking midnight, you know what I mean?

Ah.. yeah I get what you are saying

Where do they keep that fucking clock?

The clock?

Ya know the end of the world clock.  Like they have this big clock and when things start to turn to shit some dudes in suits come out and move the hands of the clock.  It is like this giant novelty Publishers Clearinghouse check of symbolic clocks.

I know what you are talking about.

Is it in a storage unit or something until the clock keepers decide to move the hands of the clock?  Do they just reassemble it for their big press conference of clock hand moving or does it actually just sit there in some office and people have to walk by this clock every day reminded that like the Earth could end and shit.

You seem really emotionally invested in this clock.

Well, I'm just saying that the clock is probably going to have to be rolled out again, ya know?  I'm just wondering what the clock might be up to.

You know I'm sure you could probably Google this.

Eh fuck it, I'm just bullshitting about the old doomsday clock.  It doesn't strike you as odd that we have an end of the world clock?

Yeah, it is pretty odd.  It is like those terror alert colors we got rid of a while ago.  It was almost always on Orange anyway.  Like what does Orange today mean compared to Orange yesterday.

Well sort of... but it has been at 3 minutes to midnight for only like 2 years now.  It was lowered from 5.  Last time it was at 3 was in the early 80s and stuff.  I was too young then to remember, really.  I don't remember what it was like to think the world could end.  And like obviously I am not the only person who has this feeling like the world could end.  Obviously the people who manage the clock moved the hand on the clock a little while ago for a reason and I bet you anything they are going to move it again soon.

So end of the world, huh?

I mean that's kind of dumb, right?  It is dumb to talk about the end of the world as a thing.  It seems alarmist and childish.  But... I dunno, people in the 50s didn't think it was bullshit.  They were making bunkers.  We are somehow under the impression that bunkers aren't necessary because of that whole mutually assured destruction thing, but what if some men want to watch the world burn.

Have you been watching Dark Knight again?

No, but I've been thinking about it ever since our nation elected an actual fucking comic book super villain.

There's that

Maybe it is a digital clock now

Probably

Whatever.  Whether it is a digital clock or an actual giant novelty clock it is a thing and it fucking scares me.  I can't even look at regular clocks anymore.  I keep thinking of this clock.

Really?

Really.  I have gone from being sad and depressed to being pissed the fuck off and disappointed in America to being really and genuinely terrified.  I know that fear isn't exactly the most productive emotion.  I should be thinking proactively and stuff like that.  But... all I can feel is fear right now.  I am not joking around I am seriously worried about the end of the world.

I know you aren't joking around.  I'm just worried about you.

Well, thank you for your concern and all that, but you shouldn't be worried about me, you should be worried about the myriad of ways our democracy has been/ is going to be undermined, what our nukes are up to right now, and the fact that global warming is irreversible and nobody is doing shit.

It's not like I'm not worried about those things too, but you seem to be really preoccupied by those things.

HOW CAN'T I BE PREOCCUPIED IT IS OUR LITERAL SURVIVAL?!

Just... Ok I don't want to tell you to calm down.  I don't want to be dismissive of your feelings.  Just... just don't forget to breathe and all that.

I am finding it hard to

I know.  I see that.  You seem very anxious.

Anxious doesn't even touch it.  I am feeling complete and utter existential dread.

That can't be very healthy for you

Neither is war.  Neither is the irreversible destruction of our natural world, the polar ice caps melting...

No, those things don't sound so great either.

I try to think about people in the 50s or 60s.  Like how they didn't know if Russia was really going to attack.  Like how they actually thought that it was possible that nukes would come down.  That they had duck and cover drills for that shit.  It seems so removed to me.  Even though I was born in the 80s I don't remember that feeling of fear.  I have a lot of disconnect watching movies like Red Dawn or Hunt for Red October and all that.  That whole fear just seemed kind of silly to me.  I didn't understand it.  I wasn't old enough to understand it then.  9/11 was scary but even then it was like... I dunno... I did feel like our nation was protected somewhat.  Now I just don't even believe in this country at all.

I know.  I understand what you are trying to say.

A while ago we were talking about the apocalypse and you kept saying how you thought that Trump would never get elected and if he did get elected he wasn't going to be Hitler 2.0 and if he did get elected Immortan Trump wouldn't have roving bands of war boys off like, ya know, tearing women's hijabs and acting like actual Nazis.  Remember that?

Alright, so I was trying to be optimistic

That's what I'm saying.  People try to be optimistic and dismiss fear as alarmist and insensible.  I told you.  I TOLD YOU.  I told you fucking 6 months ago that the future we were heading toward was closer to Mad Max than Star Trek and you didn't believe me.  What do you say now, hm?

I am worried about the state of our nation, but I still don't think we are in some kind of disaster movie or dystopian YA novel.  The people in charge are shitty and they are going to continue to be shitty, and people are going to suffer because of it, but they have a financial interest in not like completely destroying everything and just maintaining the status quo.  I agree our environment is pretty much fucked, but the effects of that will be on our great grandchildren not on us at this very moment.  Do I feel shitty about the way things are?  Yes of course I do, but I still don't think things are as bleak as you make them out to be.

I just can't muster even that sliver of optimism.  I just can't.  Right after the election I was worried about having a shitty president, a shitty administration, about roll backs of civil rights, about lack of progress, about undocumented people being kicked out or Muslims being rounded up.  Even some of those things people thought I was being alarmist about.  But now?  Our very democracy undermined by Russia? China annoyed? Fundamental faith in the election process destroyed?  I don't know how our republic can even survive this.  Before I was just sort of being hypothetical with the Mad Max shit but now I really don't know how America gets out of this as America.  We either become a banana republic or a military junta or we completely disintegrate.  I don't think there is a coming back from this.  Before I was talking about the apocalypse as a hypothetical and now I am even more afraid.  Whether the guys moved the hand on the clock or not it feels more like 2 minutes than 3.  I don't know how we are going to survive.

Life finds a way.

Fuck it I would take fucking dinosaurs over this.  I would take aliens coming down and ruling us.  We don't deserve this fucking planet.  I don't want to be a fucking plucky rebel freedom-fighting Katniss motherfucker.  Fuck Jennifer Lawrence and her bullshit.  I just want to live a normal life. But I feel like things will never be normal again.

What did Jennifer Lawrence do?

Fucking sat on some sacred rocks or some shit.  She is a bitch. I'm over her.

Gotcha.

So anyway.  Where was I?  Oh.. end of the world.  So yeah I mean when we had this conversation 6 months ago I told you all it would take would be one thing to send the whole shit crashing down and you didn't believe me.  But I think we have reached that moment.  Or we are reaching it soon.  The tenuous grasp we had on this reality is failing.  I don't know what comes next.  And I know you don't believe me.  You think it is all hyperbole and anxious rambling.  But I can't take my eyes off the clock.  I used to have some semblance of optimism and it is gone now.  I am just broken.

I... I'm sorry.

You have been pretty quiet lately.  You haven't been as chatty as you used to be.

I'm scared too.  I'm trying to be the voice of optimism and positivity but that is hard for me too, ok?  I really didn't think he was actually going to win.  I really didn't think that any of this would really happen.  I really didn't think actual Nazism would be normalized.  It seemed absurd to me.  Now I don't even know.  I don't even know what to believe anymore.  I want to be the voice of optimism for you.  I want to tell you that its okay or that we will make it through or that things aren't all that bad but... I can't.  I can't do that.  I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.  I've been so focused on my own feelings that I haven't even considered how you are feeling about all this.

I'm feeling not that great, if I'm being honest.  I'm feeling more like we really are in that Star Trek scenario where we have WW3 before we get to any of the good stuff.  I'm feeling like you were right.

That's not good.  You are supposed to be the sensible one

I know that.  But I just... Can we just talk about something else?

What do you want to talk about?

I dunno.  See any movies lately?

Moana.  You wanna talk about Disney movies?

I don't even know.  I'm having a hard time even escaping lately.  Escapism isn't even working like its supposed to for me either.

Well what am I supposed to do when you are all depressed and I am all anxious?  One of us is supposed to be normal.

Maybe this is normal

Depressed anxiety is normal?

Maybe.  Maybe it is now.  I don't know how you live in this world and not be kind of depressed and anxious.

Should we see somebody about this?

What are they going to do?  Are they going to change the president or make Nazis go away?

Well... no... But maybe they can help us

I don't think there is helping us.

That's... wait a minute you are supposed to be the sensible one that is a really shitty attitude to have.  We really need to do something about this attitude.  I mean yeah okay I think the world is going to end but maybe we can have a... good... shit I am terrible at this.  You are supposed to be the optimist.  I don't do this very well.

Sorry

Don't say sorry just say... We are supposed to end this conversation on a hopeful note.

Spider-Man Homecoming looks dope

Yeah it really does... wait.. this doesn't solve anything. We haven't resolved anything

I know.

Imaginary Conversations - Delete

Here is another in my series of imaginary conversations.  You can view the rest here.  If this is the first one you are reading, this is not an actual conversation that's why it is imaginary.  Get it?



So I am thinking that maybe I should delete my Twitter

Yeah I think I told you that before.  I mean just for your mental sanity, it might be a good idea

No that's not it.  I think I should delete my Facebook too.  And my blog.  Just delete everything.

Wait, what's going on?  I mean you can take a break from social media for a while if it is stressing you out, but do you really need to delete it?  Is the news really stressing you out that much?  

No, no.  I really like getting different perspectives from Twitter and all that.  I follow a lot of interesting people I wouldn't normally interact with in my day to day life.  I don't think I should shut out the news just because it scares me.  I need to stay informed. No I actually like going on Twitter oddly enough and I like writing in my blog its just... I'm worried

Worried? Worried about what?  That you don't really know how to format your blog all that well and people will mock  you for your computer skills, because I wouldn't worry too much

Wait what?  No.. Wait you think I don't format my blog well?

Well, no.  I mean there are gaps and breaks in text when you add pictures sometimes and you really have a hard time sticking with a consistent font and it doesn't really look all that cohesive.  Also, I mean let's be honest, you don't blog all that consistently so if you are trying to build any kind of following you aren't really doing that great of a job.  Is that what you are talking about?  

Well no, but fuck now I am all self conscious about my blog.  Maybe I should delete it.  

I'm sorry.  I figured you were looking for constructive criticism.

I was not

Oh.  Well then why do you want to delete your Twitter and your Facebook and your blog if you aren't stressing about what people are writing and you are stressing about people judging you for your bad grammar and formatting issues?  

I'm worried about the government

Well, yeah.  I mean that is kind of the point of your blog and Twitter isn't it?  To talk about your worries?  

No.  I mean.. yes, that's what I do a lot of the time on my Twitter and my blog, but what I'm worried about is the government reading my blog or my Twitter

Why would the government read your blog or your twitter?  Like 20 people read your blog and you have less than 300 followers on Twitter.  

Gee, thanks for the boost 

Sorry.  But seriously, why are you worried?

Well, I mean I have made not so subtle threats against the life of our President elect

Ohhhhhh

Yeah.  So like... I dunno... I feel like that is protected speech, right?  Because I haven't said anything really actionable right?  I mean I haven't said that I am going to do something on such and such a day and I haven't actually gone out and bought a sniper rifle or staked out parade routes or other shit that would involve the Secret Service have I?  

Nope

So like I feel like it should be ok.  I mean these GamerGate assholes harass these women and nothing happens to them.  And like a ton of people have said shitty things about Obama, right? 

Right

So maybe I am just freaking out about nothing, but like I feel like I have definitely said that I want to straight up murder our future president on more than one occasion.  I mean if the election went the other way then it wouldn't be a problem.  I mean I didn't know that the election would go this way.  

Have you made any of those kinds of threats since Election day?

I mean... that's the thing, I can't even remember.  I know I said that I wish he pulled a William Henry Harrison which is just like saying I wish he died of natural causes so I don't think that counts...

Yeah. That kind of stuff is fine.  You should be fine

After that whole Hamilton thing, though, I think I said something like "Well maybe he should go to the theater too.  Nothing bad ever happens to Presidents when they go to the theater"

Oooph.  That's a little bad. Jesus.

I may have also suggested that Chris Evans suit up as Captain America and beat his head in with his shield.  

Um... 

And I may have also said that...

Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there.  You probably shouldn't be saying all those things.

Right?  I mean I know that!  Intellectually I know that saying that I want to assassinate the President elect is bad thing.  That is like insanity.  I mean what sensible person would write in a public medium that they wish bodily harm done to the President and Vice President elect.  

VP too?

Oh yeah that dude is worse.  That dude is a fucking asshole.  It would be awesome if they were both on a plane together and somebody got like a drone and just... 

Um... 

Right, yeah... Yeah, so I shouldn't be saying that shit right?  Like I feel like in the normal world it might be ok.  Like the normal world pre election?  But now that we are straight up living in some kind of bizarro dystopian future where Russian hackers can just read everybody's emails and then report it to our new dictator... 

Really?  Dystopian future?  Aren't you blowing things a little bit out of proportion?  

Am I though?  

Yeah.  Yeah I really think you are, this time.  I mean there are checks and balances and things

Listen.  I understand that there are legal means for his removal.  I understand that the Electoral College could, by some Christmas miracle, decide not to give him the votes he needs and then Congress will have to decide and maybe they could pick somebody else.  Or if he is inaugurated he could die because he is pretty old and things could go pretty much back to normal except the VP is really awful too and I don't think he would be much better.  But I don't see a scenario that is optimistic in the future.  I just don't.  

Well you have to think that it is only going to be 4 years and he might be too incompetent to do the horrible things that he wants to do. 

Ok, I am not trying to be ableist or anything, but the man is fucking insane.  I mean I don't want to armchair diagnose him with narcissistic personality disorder or something but this man will have the fucking nuclear codes and he pops off on Twitter after every slight offense.  What do you think is going to happen when he is inaugurated?  Jesus fucking Christ I mean he could send the National Guard in and shit.  There are SO many powers given to the president that don't require Congressional approval.  And even if it did, Congress is Republican.  Even if some of those Republicans are not complete nut jobs would they turn against him?  I don't think so.  

This is America, though.  You are talking as if we are in like some banana republic or 3rd world fledgling democracy.  The kind of stuff you are talking about won't happen here.  We aren't just going to become like... Libya or something.  

What makes you say so?  

Huh?  I don't even know how to answer that question.  We aren't going to become Libya.  

See, I don't know. Think about possible scenarios. He does what he says he is going to and our economy tanks because his proposals are bullshit.  The neo Nazis that he has already emboldened decide to blame minorities for the economic collapse because they won't blame him.  The hate crimes which have already gone up, become completely normalized and more widespread.  Muslims are put into camps, millions of Mexicans are deported.  The situation in Syria gets worse because we actively support Russian interests now. The President enriches himself on trade agreements and back door deals.  He does very little actual governance, but delegates a lot to his underlings, content to see himself as more of a figurehead.  He holds regular rallies to drum up support, electing to wear an epauletted military style outfit to seem stronger.  Dissatisfied with "Mainstream media," he does not allow them access to his presidency, instead deciding to create his own channel where he can deliver messages directly to the people.  Massive discontent throughout the nation.  Armed insurrection, collapse of our democracy...  

Yikes.  Ok but I don't think all that is going to happen.  People would stop it before it got that far.  Even the Republicans don't want an actual straight up dictator.  

Fascism creep is real.  You say they don't want a dictator, but everything I have been hearing from the right wing has been just that.  They don't want the government taking away their guns in case they need to fight back against "the government" but when the government agrees with their philosophies and prejudices they are just fine with it.  They want the government to tell women what to do with their bodies, to let them discriminate if they want to, to appear strong militarily, to get rid of people they don't like and make America the way they want it to be.  They don't believe in "politicians" who are too "corrupted" and so turned to an outsider without any experience because he was "like them" even though he wasn't. He is Mussolini.  He is Gaddafi.  He is Saddam Hussein.  I mean Jesus he gives his kids security clearance.  He is Saddam Hussein.  

Ok, I do have to admit that the thing with the kids and the gold palaces and stuff is very Hussein-ish

You really don't think he will have statues of himself made around the country?  They are going to be spending a million dollars a day protecting his little brat in his penthouse.  He doesn't give a shit.  I can only hope he just ends up the same as Mussolini and Gaddafi: dragged in the street.

Um... I thought we were not doing the vague threats of physical violence thing.

Oops.    

You gotta watch that kind of shit

See, that's what I'm saying!  He already has a list of enemies.  Who knows what kind of technology he has access to?  What if we have like the machine from Person of Interest or that thing that Hydra had in Winter Solider than can just target undesirables?!  We already have drones.  When will he start using drones on his own citizens?!  Imprisoning dissidents?!  Please remember me when I am taken to the camps

Oh for fuck's sake quit being so melodramatic

Am I being melodramatic?!  Can't you imagine somebody in some foreign nation pissing him off and he starts WW3?!  Death, destruction, nuclear war.  I'm fucking scared, okay?  I'm scared.  I am legit thinking about deleting my blog because I'm afraid the government is going to round me up.  That isn't fucking normal.  This isn't normal.

I know.  I know it isn't normal.  I'm not trying to be dismissive, I'm just trying to calm you down

How can I be fucking calm?!  How can I be fucking calm?!  This is the reality now.  We are literally living in the plot of Winter Soldier.  Hydra has fucking won.  What the fuck are we going to do?  We have supervillains but not super heroes.  Why can't we just have some superheroes?

So you want vigilantes?  Terrorists?

I mean... I wouldn't say no to vigilantes if they are the good kind.  Like if they kill white supremacists or something.  

You are advocating murder now?

Well no.  I mean there aren't vigilantes out there killing white supremacists or anything I'm just saying if there WERE I think I might be like... not sad.  

When did you get so violent?  I thought you were all against the death penalty and stuff.

Well I am against the death penalty because I believe our criminal justice system is ultimately flawed and racist and disproportionately incarcerates/ executes people of color.  But, I dunno... like white supremacists and child killers and stuff like that... I mean if the evidence is all there... I dunno. I guess I'm saying vigilantes wouldn't be terrible.  

So bad people deserve to be murdered?  Talk about fascism creep

Aww crap, you are right.  Dammit.  You are right. If I am talking about preserving democracy on the one hand I can't just go around beating down assholes with the other.  I'm being kind of hypocritical

Ya think?

Ok, ok.  Fine. I don't want vigilantes murdering people.  But I do want vigilantes still.  Like white hat hackers and stuff.  We only get these asshole Russians fucking everything up for us, where are the good hackers releasing tax returns and shady emails from him and all that.  Or like stealing money from the banks and giving it to poor people.  Like Robin Hood shit.  That kind of stuff.  I just want a hero, ya know?  

But isn't that the kind of thinking that got us into this mess?  That some magical person out there will save us from everything and fix all our problems?  Isn't that how we ended up here?

I know it is.  I do.  I really do.  But we are here, ya know?  I mean we already allowed this to happen.  We already have a deranged Lex Luthor wannabe madman as our President elect.  Now that we are here, now that we've allowed this to happen, what else are we supposed to do but hope that there are heroes too?  

So why don't you be a hero?

I don't know how to hack and I can't throw a punch

I mean in other ways

I don't really know how.  I'm more of a follower.  I just need somebody to follow.  Somebody good, though.  Or good enough.  Somebody that can help save us from this insanity at least a little bit

You know that's what they thought too

I do.  God dammit, I do.  Dammit.  I just feel so fucking hopeless right now.  I called my Congresswoman and cried on the phone with her intern.  I donated a bunch of money to ACLU and SPLC and Standing Rock and all that.  It just doesn't feel like enough.  I feel fucking helpless.  I feel like the world is crumbling around me and the only thing that will make me feel like I have any power at all is if I somehow develop superpowers and drop a giant novelty safe on top of our future president

Um.. 

Oh come on, they can't come after me over fantasizing about a fucking Acme safe dropping on him. That is not actionable intelligence.  Whatever.  Come at me Secret Service.  I will drop safes on all of you with my extend-o-arms.  

Maybe you should delete your blog

You know what?  I don't think I will after all

No?

No.  I realized that all I have are words.  I don't really have anything else right now.  I am not a fucking vigilante or a superhero or even fucking Greenpeace.  I'm just... well I'm just me.  I am angry and I am scared and I can't really do anything else but write right now to try to keep me sane.

So keep writing

But what about the whole "Shmurder Shmonald Shmump" stuff? 

We do still have the 1st amendment.  They haven't taken it away.  Just don't, ya know, do anything stupid.

Do?  What am I going to do?  I can't do anything.  This is just writing you know.  

I know.  But just like don't, I dunno... go publishing a manifesto or something

A manifesto?  Jesus.  No.  Fuck no.  Like I said I am just a fucking coward behind a computer I don't really know how to do anything actionable.  

Ok. I'm just saying.  It is probably a good idea to... ya know.. watch that shit.  

Yeah.  Fuck.  

Are you ok?

No.  Are you?!

I mean to be honest, no I'm not. 

I don't know if I am going to be "okay" for a long time.  

I get that.  I'm here for you when you need me you know. 

I do.  

Imaginary Conversations - Moisture

Latest in my series of Imaginary Conversations/ rambles about random crap. You can view the others here. In case this is the first one you are reading, these conversations take place entirely in my own head.

Ok this is going to sound like a really stupid question…

I am grabbing my popcorn

Is moisture farming a real thing?

What?  

Moisture farming.  Like in Star Wars Uncle Ben and Aunt Beru owned a moisture farm.  Is that a real thing?

I feel like you are old enough to know that Star Wars wasn’t real

Ugh!  I don’t mean were Aunt Beru and Uncle Ben real I mean like here ON EARTH not on Tatooine are there actual moisture farms.  Like there is a drought right now in California, are there people who farm… moisture?  

I don’t… I’m not even sure how to unpack this.  So Uncle Ben had a moisture farm in Tatooine but what did that even entail?  How do you even “farm” moisture?  That doesn’t even make sense

I dunno like… they had machines that trapped water vapor from the air and then like… harvested it?  Or I dunno like Matt Damon in The Martian how he used chemical reactions to trap the moisture so he could farm.

You realize The Martian is also not real, right?  

You know what I mean.  I mean I know that that was a real chemical reaction, I’m just wondering if it exists on a larger scale or if that would be a long term solution to our water shortage or like if in the crazy Mad Max water deprived future if we would all have moisture farms.  Like are there actual machines to trap water vapor from the air and can they be used commercially?

I don’t have the slightest fucking idea.  This seems like a question to ask Reddit or something

Barf I don’t go on Reddit.

Reddit isn’t all bad, but yeah I get why you don’t want to go on Reddit it has a bad rap.

“A bad rap” doesn’t cover half of it

Whatever, Reddit isn’t all bad but I’m not going to get into a discussion with you defending Reddit because that is really hard to do.  What brought this up anyway?  Are you worried about water shortages?

Yeah I mean it drizzled this morning and it was the first water I had seen in MONTHS and I know that long term this isn’t sustainable.  Also I was just thinking about the word “moist”

Gah you know I don’t like that word

Moist, moist, moist.  Yeah I know you don’t like the word moist.  A lot of people have an aversion to the word moist

STOP saying it, then! Agh!  

But like the word moisture is ok.  

Yeah, moisture is fine

That is so weird

It’s a sex thing

I mean I guess you are right that the sexual connotations of the word moist are the problem, whereas moisture is more scientific. I just think it is weird that people have aversions to words like that.  Like on a massive scale

I dunno it is like kind of onomatopoetic a little?  The word "squirt" is also gross.  You don’t have an aversion to certain words?

No, not at all really.  The only word I have a literal physical reaction to is the name of a certain presidential candidate.  I get actually nauseous. Not even exaggerating.  

Nauseated

What?

You get “nauseated” something is nauseous.  Nauseated is the word for the feeling of wanting to barf, nauseous means it causes barfiness.  

So barfiness is a word then?  

You know what I mean

So did you, but you chose to correct my grammar like a jerk

Sorry.  So Trump makes you want to throw up, huh?

Yeah.  Ugh.  I mean I feel like he makes a lot of people want to throw up, but lately I find his face like physically revolting.  

How revolting?  Like looking at him is like looking at somebody’s pimples being popped or maggots crawling out of a rotting corpse?

EW that is very specific.  How would you know?  Do you spend a lot of time looking at people’s pimples being popped

I mean I have seen videos of gross shit online, yeah for sure.  I wouldn’t say a LOT of time.  I don’t actively go out looking for that kind of gross shit but I know people who do.  Or like you try to find the grossest shit you can.  

I feel like this is a Reddit thing

It might be, yeah.  

But anyway to answer your question, yeah I guess that is it.  It is like looking at pictures of people’s lungs after they have cancer like in high school textbooks.  He is a cancer

Yeesh, not mincing words are you

Fuck no.  He is a literal cancer on our world making it sicker by the minute.  I would run in a 5K every weekend and wear a wristband for the rest of my life if it would make him go away.  I would wear orange for the entire month of October and people would think it was for Halloween but it is really for DT cancer awareness month.  

Hahaha Oh my god that is so perfect.  You should go as Trump cancer for Halloween.  Like just print out some pictures of cancerous cells and photoshop little wigs on them

I feel like that is sort of insensitive to people who actually have real cancer.  

Whatever it is just a joke

Also nobody would get it

Yeah, that is a fair point

So yeah his name, his face… it is just gross.  Gross like moist is gross to you.  If we wanted to gross out the entire world we could just put them together in some way.

You mean like if I talked about Donald Trump’s moist lips

Oh Jesus Christ I am actually going to vomit.  I am not even joking right now I can feel bile in the back of my throat

See moist is a terrible word

Alright, alright moist is a terrible word. I am on team anti moist. Dammit you have ruined moist for me.  I wasn’t one of those people who hated moist and now I hate moist. Damn

One of us, one of us gooble gobble

Grrr

Aww are you mad?  

Just a little.  

Sorry

Neh it’s fine.  I guess it isn’t really your fault, more the fault of the English language.  

God damn English language

Indeed.  Ok but for real though I do want to know about moisture harvesters

Do I look like a scientist to you?

I dunno scientists look like anybody so yeah you could look like a scientist.  Internalized patriarchy is the only thing that is telling you that you don’t “look” like a scientist

Ok fine. I am NOT a scientist, I don’t fucking know.  

Do you know any scientists?  

Do I know any scientists who know about moisture farming?  No, I don’t know any moisture farming scientists.  Maybe you should call the college

I think I will

I really want to be next to the admin assistant or grad student who has to answer that call

So you are saying that I shouldn’t call then?

I’m not saying that

But how am I supposed to find out the answer to this very important question?!

You could Google it?  You could go to the library?

But then I would have to ask the librarian about moisture farms is that any less embarrassing than asking a grad student in the chemistry department.  

I dunno that is kind of their job to answer random shit like that

Would they even know how to look?

I mean does it hurt to find out?

I don’t want to be one of those weirdos that goes up to a librarian at the reference desk and asks them some random ass question and have them think I am some weirdo.  I am too poor not to use the library to get my books and movies.  

You aren’t a weirdo, but whatever.  So you have three choices: either you A) ask and potentially live with the idea that the librarian is silently judging you as you get your DVDs from now until eternity or until you decide to go to another branch where they don’t know you, B) don’t ask and just live with the fact that you will never know your dire questions about moisture farming, or C) Google it and get the best answer you can.  

Ugh… I guess I will just trust Google.  

Most people do

I know the answer I find might just be total bullshit

I mean it isn’t like you are writing a term paper on moisture farming, I feel like a Google answer SHOULD be sufficient

I was actually going to write my Congresswoman

What?

I was going to see if moisture farming was real and if it is real and we don’t have a lot of moisture farms I was going to write my Congresswoman and ask her if this is something that we could be investing in.  Like I wanted to really pursue this.

Alright I take it back, you ARE a weirdo.  You are like those people who call into CSPAN to tell long convoluted stories.  

I am just really worried about moisture.  I am just really really worried we aren’t moist enough

Stop

You said I was a weirdo

Ok ok I take it back just stop it.  

Damn I wish it would keep raining

Fat chance

Sigh…