Monday, October 17, 2016

Imaginary Conversations - Moisture

Latest in my series of Imaginary Conversations/ rambles about random crap. You can view the others here. In case this is the first one you are reading, these conversations take place entirely in my own head.

Ok this is going to sound like a really stupid question…

I am grabbing my popcorn

Is moisture farming a real thing?


Moisture farming.  Like in Star Wars Uncle Ben and Aunt Beru owned a moisture farm.  Is that a real thing?

I feel like you are old enough to know that Star Wars wasn’t real

Ugh!  I don’t mean were Aunt Beru and Uncle Ben real I mean like here ON EARTH not on Tatooine are there actual moisture farms.  Like there is a drought right now in California, are there people who farm… moisture?  

I don’t… I’m not even sure how to unpack this.  So Uncle Ben had a moisture farm in Tatooine but what did that even entail?  How do you even “farm” moisture?  That doesn’t even make sense

I dunno like… they had machines that trapped water vapor from the air and then like… harvested it?  Or I dunno like Matt Damon in The Martian how he used chemical reactions to trap the moisture so he could farm.

You realize The Martian is also not real, right?  

You know what I mean.  I mean I know that that was a real chemical reaction, I’m just wondering if it exists on a larger scale or if that would be a long term solution to our water shortage or like if in the crazy Mad Max water deprived future if we would all have moisture farms.  Like are there actual machines to trap water vapor from the air and can they be used commercially?

I don’t have the slightest fucking idea.  This seems like a question to ask Reddit or something

Barf I don’t go on Reddit.

Reddit isn’t all bad, but yeah I get why you don’t want to go on Reddit it has a bad rap.

“A bad rap” doesn’t cover half of it

Whatever, Reddit isn’t all bad but I’m not going to get into a discussion with you defending Reddit because that is really hard to do.  What brought this up anyway?  Are you worried about water shortages?

Yeah I mean it drizzled this morning and it was the first water I had seen in MONTHS and I know that long term this isn’t sustainable.  Also I was just thinking about the word “moist”

Gah you know I don’t like that word

Moist, moist, moist.  Yeah I know you don’t like the word moist.  A lot of people have an aversion to the word moist

STOP saying it, then! Agh!  

But like the word moisture is ok.  

Yeah, moisture is fine

That is so weird

It’s a sex thing

I mean I guess you are right that the sexual connotations of the word moist are the problem, whereas moisture is more scientific. I just think it is weird that people have aversions to words like that.  Like on a massive scale

I dunno it is like kind of onomatopoetic a little?  The word "squirt" is also gross.  You don’t have an aversion to certain words?

No, not at all really.  The only word I have a literal physical reaction to is the name of a certain presidential candidate.  I get actually nauseous. Not even exaggerating.  



You get “nauseated” something is nauseous.  Nauseated is the word for the feeling of wanting to barf, nauseous means it causes barfiness.  

So barfiness is a word then?  

You know what I mean

So did you, but you chose to correct my grammar like a jerk

Sorry.  So Trump makes you want to throw up, huh?

Yeah.  Ugh.  I mean I feel like he makes a lot of people want to throw up, but lately I find his face like physically revolting.  

How revolting?  Like looking at him is like looking at somebody’s pimples being popped or maggots crawling out of a rotting corpse?

EW that is very specific.  How would you know?  Do you spend a lot of time looking at people’s pimples being popped

I mean I have seen videos of gross shit online, yeah for sure.  I wouldn’t say a LOT of time.  I don’t actively go out looking for that kind of gross shit but I know people who do.  Or like you try to find the grossest shit you can.  

I feel like this is a Reddit thing

It might be, yeah.  

But anyway to answer your question, yeah I guess that is it.  It is like looking at pictures of people’s lungs after they have cancer like in high school textbooks.  He is a cancer

Yeesh, not mincing words are you

Fuck no.  He is a literal cancer on our world making it sicker by the minute.  I would run in a 5K every weekend and wear a wristband for the rest of my life if it would make him go away.  I would wear orange for the entire month of October and people would think it was for Halloween but it is really for DT cancer awareness month.  

Hahaha Oh my god that is so perfect.  You should go as Trump cancer for Halloween.  Like just print out some pictures of cancerous cells and photoshop little wigs on them

I feel like that is sort of insensitive to people who actually have real cancer.  

Whatever it is just a joke

Also nobody would get it

Yeah, that is a fair point

So yeah his name, his face… it is just gross.  Gross like moist is gross to you.  If we wanted to gross out the entire world we could just put them together in some way.

You mean like if I talked about Donald Trump’s moist lips

Oh Jesus Christ I am actually going to vomit.  I am not even joking right now I can feel bile in the back of my throat

See moist is a terrible word

Alright, alright moist is a terrible word. I am on team anti moist. Dammit you have ruined moist for me.  I wasn’t one of those people who hated moist and now I hate moist. Damn

One of us, one of us gooble gobble


Aww are you mad?  

Just a little.  


Neh it’s fine.  I guess it isn’t really your fault, more the fault of the English language.  

God damn English language

Indeed.  Ok but for real though I do want to know about moisture harvesters

Do I look like a scientist to you?

I dunno scientists look like anybody so yeah you could look like a scientist.  Internalized patriarchy is the only thing that is telling you that you don’t “look” like a scientist

Ok fine. I am NOT a scientist, I don’t fucking know.  

Do you know any scientists?  

Do I know any scientists who know about moisture farming?  No, I don’t know any moisture farming scientists.  Maybe you should call the college

I think I will

I really want to be next to the admin assistant or grad student who has to answer that call

So you are saying that I shouldn’t call then?

I’m not saying that

But how am I supposed to find out the answer to this very important question?!

You could Google it?  You could go to the library?

But then I would have to ask the librarian about moisture farms is that any less embarrassing than asking a grad student in the chemistry department.  

I dunno that is kind of their job to answer random shit like that

Would they even know how to look?

I mean does it hurt to find out?

I don’t want to be one of those weirdos that goes up to a librarian at the reference desk and asks them some random ass question and have them think I am some weirdo.  I am too poor not to use the library to get my books and movies.  

You aren’t a weirdo, but whatever.  So you have three choices: either you A) ask and potentially live with the idea that the librarian is silently judging you as you get your DVDs from now until eternity or until you decide to go to another branch where they don’t know you, B) don’t ask and just live with the fact that you will never know your dire questions about moisture farming, or C) Google it and get the best answer you can.  

Ugh… I guess I will just trust Google.  

Most people do

I know the answer I find might just be total bullshit

I mean it isn’t like you are writing a term paper on moisture farming, I feel like a Google answer SHOULD be sufficient

I was actually going to write my Congresswoman


I was going to see if moisture farming was real and if it is real and we don’t have a lot of moisture farms I was going to write my Congresswoman and ask her if this is something that we could be investing in.  Like I wanted to really pursue this.

Alright I take it back, you ARE a weirdo.  You are like those people who call into CSPAN to tell long convoluted stories.  

I am just really worried about moisture.  I am just really really worried we aren’t moist enough


You said I was a weirdo

Ok ok I take it back just stop it.  

Damn I wish it would keep raining

Fat chance


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