Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Curiouser and Furiouser: A Fast and Furious Watch - Part 3: Tokyo Drift

Wow.  This movie was so unexpected.  When I added it to my Netflix queue, the title was given 1 star.  Maybe that’s based on my viewing history or something but it totally skewed my perspective going into the film.  I was expecting something pretty bad and instead I got something that was definitely watchable and features my favorite character of the entire series so far.  Which is not to say that the film doesn’t have its problems.  It definitely does.  The biggest problem of the movie by far is that it should have been called Fast and Furious: The Han Show, Also Featuring Some White Guy I Don’t Give the Slightest Fuck About.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  On to the recap.


Yeah yeah I know his name is
Zachary Ty Bryan
The film begins in a strange high school entirely populated by 30 year olds going through metal detectors.  I guess it is a rough neighborhood?  But then everybody drives nice cars.  I don’t get it.  Apparently the football team is the Ducks and they are playing the Indians in an upcoming game and so they beat up a pinata effigy of a super racist Indian caricature.  Oh that kid from Home Improvement who wasn’t Jonathan Taylor Thomas plays the asshole captain of the football team.  I mean at least I assume he was captain of the football team.  At any rate we follow along Blandy Mc-White White our protagonist (whose name is Sean but Jesus Christ is he the most boring fucking guy on the planet) as he goes to auto shop, to class, etc.  It is about 5 minutes into the movie when I realize that there is no Paul Walker in this film and I start to get a little nervous.  If we are supposed to care/ follow this boring guy around an entire movie, I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it. Sean is flirting with cheerleader cutie and not-JTT gets all pissed off, starts insulting him and his car.  He and his cronies are about to start a fight when Sean pulls out a fucking wrench making him the most hardcore 30 year old 17 year old on the planet.  Instead cheerleader chick suggests they have a race.  “The winner,” she purrs, “gets me.”  Honey, why are you selling yourself short like this, I wonder.  She is literally offering herself up as a prize.  This is a common trope throughout these films, but this instance was particularly egregious.  


They decide to race in this housing development that is under construction which is a very good idea
Whatever
as far as not being around a lot of people, though I was very worried about the property damage to some of these nice houses as they raced.  To begin the race, a girl straight up takes off her bra and throws it as a flag?  Ugh.  I wish we could cut to some actual Tokyo Drifting already.  Blah Blah Blah they have a race and their cars get all fucked up and they end up in the police station.  The cop tells Sean that not-JTT will get off because he comes from money, but that he is in deep shit.  Sean’s kind of hot mom comes in and tells him he has fucked up for the last time.  Now he only has one option… which is to go to Japan… as one does?  You fucked up so now you have to leave your beloved shitsburg for beautiful Tokyo.  How… horrible?  


He flies to Japan to stay with a dude I thought was his uncle for like the longest time but I guess it is his dad.  Dad is basically a non existent character.  Shit, Sean is basically a non existent character.  In fact I had to hear his name about 6 times before I realized it was Sean not “John.”  One of the problems with the series in general is that they want to cut to the action so quickly that the characters themselves are just afterthoughts.  Anyway, Dad leaves Sean a note saying that the train for school leaves at 7.  Boy I hope he figures out how to navigate the transit system when he doesn’t speak the language and get to school on time and not fuck up.  I feel like his dad is basically setting him up for failure.  He arrives in class where everyone is speaking Japanese already and he doesn’t get what is going on and there is some fish out of water comedy where he doesn’t know to take off his shoes but like did ANYBODY expect any differently when you just randomly send American kid to Japanese high school with absolutely no prep? There is a cute girl in his class who appears to be mixed race who kind of giggles at his mistakes and I’m thinking this chick is probably the romantic lead.  At lunch, he falls in with Lil Bow Wow, or Bow Wow or whatever his actual name is or name of his character who happens to be the only American there.  They bond over being foreigners and Sean notices Bow Wow has a steering wheel attached to his backpack as one does and then Bow Wow
What in the actual hell is this car?
takes him to a magical rotating garage to show him his car.  His car looks like the Hulk.  There are 3-D Hulk hands somehow welded onto the side of his car.  His car looks like one of those novelty Hot Wheels cars or something that a Hulk-themed energy drink company might have.  It is insane.  I am not even understanding this car in the slightest.  


Bow Wow takes Sean to this street racing hangout place, which is very familiar given all the other previous films, with one notable exception: It is in a parking garage.  Yes, because of the limited street space and crowded nature of Tokyo, these street racers race inside multi level parking garages.  This is where the whole drifting thing comes into play.  Because these racers are going around tight corners so rapidly, they basically need to slide or drift around them in order to maintain speed and not crash.  It is actually pretty cool to watch and the novelty of drifting definitely distinguishes the races in this film from the previous two.  Head bad guy who is referred to alternately as DK and Takashi who sees Sean flirting with chick from class who apparently is his girlfriend.  They are on for a race after a lot of posturing.  Except Sean doesn’t have a car.  Well who should pipe in but DK’s friend
Nom nom nom 
Han, sweet, beautiful, wonderful Han who, like Tyrese before him, is constantly eating throughout the film.  Anyway Han for some wonderful inexplicable reason decides to loan Sean his car so that he can race DK.  I mean like DK and Sean are just sizing each other up and getting in each other’s faces and Han is just fucking chill as shit and gives Sean the keys to his car.  He is the coolest motherfucker on the planet.  The coolest.  


Anyway DK and Sean race and of course Sean has no idea how to drift so that goes very poorly and he totally screws up Han’s car.  Sean apologizes to Han for screwing up his car and Han is like, “Don’t leave town.”  Ugh what a badass.  The next day Han picks Sean up from his house and tells
hahah awkward nudity
him he has to do him a favor.  I start to get worried is Han going to make him beat somebody up?  Is he sending him in to get killed?  No, Han just sent Sean into a bath house place to get money from a giant sumo guy because he thought it was funny and the sumo guy chucks him out but doesn’t even mess him up a little and Han smiles while tossing more food in his mouth as the sumo guy throws him the money and now everybody is friends.  Han is the best.  Have I mentioned that Han is the best?  Han shows Sean his sweet pad and friends including kind of chubby guy and skinny girl (I don’t even know if they have actual lines in the film I wasn’t paying attention).  

"Dreamweaver" begins playing
Now Han, let’s talk about Han.  The previous two films had some homoerotic subtext, but I really cannot see anything that Han does as anything but straight up flirting.  I am not sure if the character is intended to be gay/ bi but man oh man was it hard to view his actions as anything but.  There is just a look in his eye every time he watches Sean.  Also interesting about Han is that he is American.  Sean asks him how he ended up in Japan and Han talks about how in old Westerns the cowboys always run away from their problems in Mexico and this is his Mexico.  Then Sean asks why he gave him his car in the first place when he knew he could fuck it up and Han says, “One car is worth knowing what a man is made of.”  Is Han even real?  He is seriously the coolest. Anyway Han decides to teach Sean to drift and basically the entire second act of the film is an extended training montage of drifting.  It is a long montage but I don’t care because there is a lot of Han in it.  Sean and Han (god they sound like a cute couple don’t they?) race together and Han is seriously flirting hard with him, or if he is not flirting is doing a really bad job of hiding his attraction to him.  


Sean finally gets good enough to race one of DK’s minions and it is at this point that I sort of lose track of the plot and stop caring about anything that doesn’t involve Han.  Sean keeps flirting with the cute chick even though she is DK’s girl and DK is kind of yakuza or his uncle is yakuza or he is a yakuza poseur or whatever.  As is common in courtship rituals, Sean asks the girl to drift for him so they all drift together in a magnificent drifting herd down the side of a mountain.  Sean keeps practicing his drifting and Bow Wow is kind of getting pissed because tires ain’t cheap.  I am really glad they acknowledge the fact that these guys are tearing through tires pretty hard with all this drift nonsense.  DK shows up and beats up Sean and Neela (oh yeah that’s the chick’s name) confronts
BAMF
him about it.  DK gets pissed off and tells Neela her mom was a whore etc.  Guy is basically typical dickbag.  Then DK’s ACTUAL yakuza uncle shows up and it’s fucking Sonny Chiba dressed in a white suit with a hat like a caricature of a Yakuza and it is perfect.  He’s pretty pissed off at DK’s wannabe gangsta shit and also informs him that Han has been stealing from him.  Han, you stupid, beautiful boy.  


DK goes to confront Han and Sean and pulls a gun on him.  Good thing their cars are nearby so they
So hot.  Literally on fire
drive away fast, drifting along the way.  The setting of the film, in busy Tokyo, makes the racing sequences very tight and claustrophobic.  There are a lot of people and cars on these busy streets, making me actually nervous for bystanders and property.  There is a sequence where a group of about 200 people are walking across a busy street, see the cars coming, and part together like a flock of fucking geese so that the cars can drift through them.  Nobody gets hurt.  How?  Beautifully shot, though, I have to say.  The race intensifies and Hans car flips over and lights on fire.  NOT HAN, I cry in the middle of my living room, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!  You bastards you killed the only interesting part of the movie!! WHY!!!!!  


Sean and Neela make it back to his house and then DK shows up and his dad pulls a gun on him and DK and Neela leave.  Then Sean’s dad, who previously had been kind of pissed at him for all this racing, says he has to leave which I think is a good idea, but Sean says he needs to finish what he started which I guess means avenging Han?  I don’t even know.  Once Han was out of the picture, I have to say I really lost track of/ interest in the plot.  Sean goes to see Bow Wow who gives him a pile of money saying that Han would have wanted you to have this.  K.  Han would have wanted you to have all of this money.  Han left you in his will, Sean.  Sean, Han loved you.  Can’t you see how
Here's your bag of money, dude
much Han loved you?  Han loved you so much.  Sean decides to go and give the money to DK’s uncle, Sonny Chiba, to make up for what Han had done.  There are old timey mob guys twirling chains and wearing matching jackets in the alley to his place.  It is pretty silly.  Sean apologizes to Sonny Chiba and says he will race DK/ Takashi for honor and the loser will leave town or something.  Whatever.  Why isn’t Han there? Why do I have to watch Sean now?  


Anyway it’s a good thing that Sean’s dad has this classic old Mustang he was fixing up that Sean can drive because the cops took all of Han’s other cars.  Yay! DK picks this mountain to race on and
Whatever. I miss Han
Neela tells Sean that he needs to be worried because this is DK’s mountain, he is the only one who has made it to the bottom. Seems like a poorly designed road, then. Bow Wow does something with his super 2005 flip phone and the beacons are lit or something?  Now everyone can see the race on their phones?  Did he put cameras in the cars I don’t even know what is happening with this sequence.  The car duel finale was very dramatic and well shot.  DK’s car falls off a cliff, Sean goes around the corner, almost getting hit by the falling car, and speeds through the finish line.  Whatever.  I don’t care. I miss Han.


Epilogue finds Sean and his friends hanging out, and who should show up but Vin Diesel driving a car that he somehow transported to Japan for racing with.  What follows is a conversation with THE most homoerotic subtext of any exchange in the entire series thus far:


“Nice ride,” Sean comments, eying Dom’s Plymouth up and down as the engine of his own car rumbles beneath him.


“Thanks, I got it from my old friend Han,” Dom replies with a wink.


“I didn’t know he was into American muscle,” Sean replies, gazing at Dom’s ripped biceps and tight shirt.  


“He was when he was with me, “ Dom smiles, fondly recalling an unspoken memory of life with his former lover.  


FIN

Just so you know I am not making this up, here is the entire final scene. You tell me.




Stray Thoughts:


  • I did something I have not done so far with this series and read some spoilers online.  SPOILER ALERT - -  Han shows up in the next films.  I am so excited.  Han was the only reason this movie was any good at all
  • Ok but really though, is Han gay?  
  • The actor who played Han was in Better Luck Tomorrow which was also directed by Justin Lin. Great film, everybody should check it out.  In that movie, he also played a character named Han.  Is he playing the same guy?!  Cursory online searching indicates that yes, yes he is.  This is awesome.  I am having a harder time not giving myself spoilers for the rest of the series because I really want to know everything about Han and how awesome he is.  I don’t remember Han in Better Luck Tomorrow being that much of a badass but it has been about 10 years since I have seen it.  I think I need to rewatch for continuity’s sake.  
  • Ok but really though, Sean was such an actively boring lead that I really hope he isn’t in any of the other F/F movies.  What a bland sack of white bread.  

Well that’s it.  Off to Fast and Furious which I have heard is kind of a reboot of the franchise.  If Tokyo Drift was somehow the weakest of the series but featured the amazingness of Han and also a Sonny Chiba cameo then I have high hopes for the remaining movies.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Imaginary Conversations - Murder

When was the first time you saw someone being murdered?  


Huh?  Like in a movie?  Probably Bambi’s mom does that count?  


No I mean an actual person being murdered


Not an animal, huh.  Um… Gosh I dunno, Star Wars?  The charred bodies of Uncle Ben and Aunt Beru were kind of upsetting, but I guess they were already dead. I didn’t see them get killed.  Though, the people on Alderaan I guess I saw murdered if I think about it hard enough.  Or any of the people shot down in TIE fighters.  Yeah I guess that would be it.  I think I was probably 6.


No, I’m not talking about a movie.  I mean like an actual person, a real person.  When was the first time you saw a real person being murdered not just their body after they were dead but like actually saw somebody getting killed.  


Oh…  Fuck, I’m not sure.  Are you talking about the guy that was killed by police yesterday?


Well yes, tangentially that is what I am talking about.  When I started thinking about that guy that was murdered by police yesterday I realized that I have seen so many people murdered I can’t remember.


Jesus.  


Yeah, so anyway I’m asking you:  when was the first time you saw somebody killed?


I dunno... I mean... Maybe the Gulf War?  Like on the news?  I would have been maybe 9?  


Did they actually show people being killed on TV during the Gulf War?


I mean I don’t… I can’t really remember.  Wolf Blitzer wore a lot of pocketed vests, that’s about the extent of my memory from 1991.  


Yes, you are correct, Wolf Blitzer did wear a lot of pocketed vests, but I am pretty sure that they never actually showed any bodies on TV like they did during the Vietnam War.  I don’t think they showed anybody being killed.  


Oh ok.  Ok I think I sort of remember. Your mention of Vietnam got me thinking that when I was in Hebrew School and we were studying the Holocaust, they showed us Nazis shooting people and then their bodies falling in ditches.  It was like a documentary.  Actually, I watched a lot of World War 2 documentaries when I was in middle school and high school and they definitely showed Nazis murdering people.   


I think it was probably same for me too.  The first person I saw being murdered was in black and white.  Happened long before I was born.  Happened in a documentary.  


If I am discerning your meaning correctly, though, you are asking me when was the first time I saw somebody being murdered recently, I mean a contemporary person that was murdered that day or the day before or what have you.  


Yeah


That I can’t really answer.  I remember one time I was in college some guy was kidnapped by terrorists and he was beheaded and somebody posted the beheading online and I watched it for some reason.  It was super, super upsetting but even that I don’t think was the first time.  I feel like I HAD to have seen somebody murdered before then.  


It is weird to think of.  It is kind of upsetting to think of that here is somebody’s life leaving their body and you can’t remember it.


So what was your first time


No that’s the point, I can’t remember either.  I mean it must have happened.  There must have been a first time I saw somebody die, somebody whose family was still alive, somebody who was killed on video, but I don’t remember it.  I don’t know.  I remember seeing the Rodney King beating but Rodney King wasn’t killed.  I know there has to have been a first time between the 90s and a year or 2 ago but I don’t remember.  


Does it bother you?  


How can’t it bother me, it is somebody dying!  It is somebody being murdered, of course it bothers me.


I mean does it bother you that you can’t remember?


Yeah, it does.  It bothers me.  It bothers me because I can’t even remember all the recent ones.  It bothers me that there is a hashtag every other day and I can’t remember them.  It bothers me that we are supposed to say their names and I can’t remember all of them.  


Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland..


Yeah those are like 2.  Just 2.  Trying to remember all of them reminds me of when I was trying to memorize the names of all the presidents in order.  I still can sort of do that, remember the names of the presidents, though I sometimes get stuck around Polk and Franklin Pierce.  But I can’t remember the names of the people I have seen murdered in the past year even.  Those two I didn’t actually see die.  There was no video of Sandra Bland, there was no video of Trayvon Martin.  There was a video of the guy yesterday, of Terence Crutcher.  But I know there have been more that I have seen and I can’t remember them!  Why can’t I remember them?  When did it become so common to see people being murdered that they all blend into each other?


I… I dunno.  I don’t have an answer to that question.  We were talking the other day about the people killed in mass shootings, how it has become commonplace, how we have become inured to violence.  

When did that happen though?  Can you remember?  When did it start happening that there were so many shootings, so many murders, so many acts of terrorism that you can’t even remember them all?  Like I dunno… Rodney King was SUCH a big thing.  I mean there have been so many people killed or beaten by police, but that was SUCH a big thing.  The riots… I remember that and it was 20 years ago.  I remember that, I remember Rodney King’s name more clearly than I can remember the more recent ones.  Why do I remember his name and not Freddie Gray’s?  I mean I remember Freddie Gray’s name I just mean like… I dunno it took me a minute to remember his name for a second.  


Memory is weird.  What we remember is weird.  Do you want to be able to remember the name of every person that has died?  I mean we talked about this before… There are so many people who die each day, can you really mourn them all?  Is is possible for you to mourn them all?  Plus you gotta remember that when Rodney King was beaten, to catch something on video was super rare.  Now everything is on video, we see everything, it isn’t new.  

Is that it?  Is that all it is?  People have phones so we know about more things?  


I mean I’m pretty sure that is what it is.  There are dash cam videos, there have been since Cops in the 90s.  Did Cops ever show suspects being shot on the show?  I don’t remember.  That show kind of idolized the police.  But anyway, yeah now there is a video of everything.  Now there is just… more of everything.  


I can’t remember it all, there is too much to remember.  There are too many things.


There are a lot of things.  I thought we talked about this a few weeks ago how there are a lot of things to keep track of, a lot of memes.  Did you ever take that break from Twitter?


No


Maybe you should.  You are tired.  There is a lot of input and you aren’t able to handle it, and that is ok.  It is ok to say you can’t handle it.  Self care is ok


I just feel so helpless and useless and sad and I feel gross about myself that I can’t remember the names of people I have seen literally murdered on videos that I have seen but I can remember the names of Star Wars characters and quotes from the Simpsons.  I am mad at myself that my brain has decided that that shit is more important than the names of people I have seen die.  


You can’t be mad at yourself for not being able to remember everything.  You can’t be mad at yourself for remembering certain things and not other things, you can’t be mad at yourself that you aren’t holding a vigil to every person killed in your home all hours of the day.  It is ok.  It is ok to be upset about people being killed by police, about people killed by terrorism, about people killed by negligence, about things that happen in the world, without having to remember the names of every single one.  It is ok.  


Terence Crutcher, Terence Crutcher, Terence Crutcher.  I’d almost forgotten his name in the 10 minutes I have been talking to you.  I don’t want to forget him.


But it’s ok if you do, you know that.  It is ok. Our culture… you were right about what you said about our culture the last time we chatted.  We are very fickle, we are very in the moment and then it’s gone.  Everything is very ephemeral.  It used to be there was one thing and we fixated on that one thing for a really long time.  When Diana died it was everything, when JonBenet Ramsey was kidnapped and murdered it was every day, when the OJ Simpson trial was on TV it was all anybody talked about, when 9/11 happened it was just 9/11 and Iraq and Afghanistan on the news all day every day.  Now there are more “things,”  our media is more democratic, Twitter and facebook have allowed more sharing, more “things” going viral.  Nobody needs you to remember everything, it is impossible to remember everything.  You can try, and I’m glad that you are trying, but it is ok to forget too.  Forgetting pain helps us move on too, you know.  If we remembered every pain we felt we would go mad.


I’m tired.


I know, you said before.  


I am, though.  I’m just so tired.  


Don’t allow yourself to be controlled by things around you.  You are doing a good job.  You are doing the best you can.  


Am I?


I don’t know.  Only you can answer that question, but I think so.  I think you are trying to be a good person, you are trying to be conscious in your actions and your words, you are trying to remember if not the specific names the ideas, the feeling.  


Ok


Ok?  

I guess

That seems like an odd way to end a conversation

I am just too tired to talk anymore

Ok

Ok



Wednesday, September 07, 2016

Imaginary Conversations - Tired

I found a file on my Google Drive labeled “Tired”

What was in it?

Nothing

What do you mean, nothing?

I mean it was just a blank Google Document with no text in it.  It just had a filename, which was “Tired.”

Do you think you wrote something and deleted it accidentally?

I don’t even remember.  Maybe?  But I am usually able to see modification dates and all I see it just a creation of a file on May 14 and then nothing.  I mean I would remember if I wrote something right?

Maybe you created a file with the intention of writing something but then got too tired to actually write anything

Why wouldn’t I delete it then?

Maybe you were too tired

Actually that sounds like the most likely answer to be honest

Are you tired a lot?

I am constantly tired

Are you getting enough sleep?

No

You should get more sleep then

Boy, what great advice you give

I detect the sarcasm and I’m not really getting it.  If you know that you are tired and you know you aren’t getting enough sleep then you should get more sleep and maybe you won’t be so tired.  It seems pretty clear cut

Yeah but you are just saying “get sleep” as if I can just get sleep.  

I’m not following.  Are you saying that you have sleeping problems?  Maybe you should try sleeping pills.

I hate sleeping pills

Ok melatonin then.  Melatonin is good for you.  I’m sure you can find some in the Natural foods section of the store.  

What does that even mean?

Huh?

“Natural.” Everything is natural.  If it modifies your chemistry it is a drug.  Maybe it isn’t as strong a regulated drug.  Ugh these people with the natural.  Oh my god it’s like totally natural it’s so good for you.  Just so natural.  Naturally good.  Nature’s goodness...  

You know I’m not even going to get into this argument with you about natural because I do know that you are right in some respects, but in this case I’m just saying that it is a hormone that naturally exists in the body and taking supplements helps you sleep but in a different way than a sedative hypnotic.  

Fine, fine fair enough

So you should try it

Maybe I just need to drink more coffee

Well how much coffee are you drinking?

I have a cup of coffee with breakfast and then I fill a little to go cup which is about another cup and a half and have that with my morning break at like 10

That’s all?  Just 2 cups of coffee for the whole entire day?!  Well there’s your problem right there.

So miss “natural” is saying that I need stimulants

I’m not miss natural and heck yeah I’m saying you need stimulants how do you think people function through the day?

So you are saying that everybody else in the world is drinking more coffee than me?

Not everyone in the world, but like most people I know drink way more coffee than that

How much more?  How much coffee do you drink?

At least 4 cups a day

You drink 4 cups of coffee a day and you don’t have sleep problems?

No, why would I?

If I have that much caffeine I am up until like 1 in the morning

So?  I usually go to bed at around 1

You do?!  And when do you wake up in the morning?

8 maybe 8:15.  I have to be at work at 9, but I don’t live too far

Ah well there it is then.  I am up by 6:30

You wake up at 6:30 on purpose?  Why?  Do you work out every day or something?

No, I have to be at work at 8 and I live about a half hour away from work so I have to leave at 7:25. I’ve timed it.  I need an hour to shower, dress, make breakfast etc.  I have done it in less time like woken up at 7 and just rushed out the door but I don’t recommend it on a regular basis

Shit

Yep

You should get another job that starts later

You are suggesting, let me understand this… you are suggesting that I quit my place of employment so that I can get another job that starts later?

You have to take care of yourself.  You are saying that you are tired all the time.  That tells me you are not getting enough sleep or you are not getting enough caffeine.  You say that you can’t do too much caffeine otherwise it will prevent you from sleeping which I don’t recommend.  Your amazement at my 1am bedtime indicates to me that you are going to bed well before 1 which means you are probably getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night going to bed at what?  11:30? You could try going to bed earlier than 11 to get the sleep you need but then pretty much what would you be doing with your evenings.  So yeah, I say get a job that lets you go into work later so that you can sleep in a little.  Your rhythm sounds like it is off.  

People don’t do that, though

What do you mean people don’t do that?

I mean people don’t just quit their jobs to find other jobs just because they start a little later so they can sleep.  I have heard of people commuting well over an hour for a job that paid better. I have heard of people moving across the country to find a position. I have heard of people working two, sometimes three jobs so they can support their families.  I have never heard of somebody quitting a perfectly well paying job simply to get another job that starts later, not since.. I dunno, college or something.  Not in this economy.

Thanks, Obama.

Obama doesn’t really have anything to do with being lazy.

Ugh, I was just saying it ironically like “Thanks, Obama” when Harambe died.

I don’t want to fucking hear the name Harambe again for as long as I live

A little callus toward a wrongfully murdered endangered species aren’t we?

You know what I am not even going to acknowledge that with a response because I am so fucking sick to death with people arguing about a fucking gorilla.

Yeesh, ok, ok…

It is just fucking meme culture.  I am just tired of god damned meme culture.  Grumpy Cat, Nyan Cat, Pusheen the Cat… so many fucking cats.  And then fucking gorillas and Damn Daniels and Dat Bois and crying Michael Jordans and angry Michael Phelpses and weird looking SpongeBobs and…

And Jingtinglers and Floofloovers…

Did you just quote the Grinch right now?

Uh…

Am I fucking old?  Is the problem I am fucking old?  

I mean, I wasn’t gonna say it but…

Maybe this is just how old people feel.  Maybe old people are just tired and annoyed at young people  
Young people, hah.  We are technically millennials, you know.

Yeah I’ve mentioned to you before that this whole millennial thing is bullshit, right?  I have nothing fucking in common with some kid born in 1998.  

Yeah, yeah if you had a kid in high school they would be in high school right now..

Exactly, so I really don’t think we should be lumped in with them.  We really need our own generation name.  Somebody online was talking about like Oregon Trail generation or whatever because if you grew up playing that game in elementary school you are in it.  

I think I saw that same thing.

So anyway, yeah… I feel like if I am old enough to be complaining about the young people then I can’t possibly be in the same generation as them.  That makes no sense whatsoever.

Sure, I guess.  But isn’t it the same with Boomers?  Like the baby boom was from the end of the war to like sixty something right?  

They are calling “Millennial” literally anybody born after 1980 which is absurd.  Whatever, it isn’t important what we are called, I guess it is more important that young people annoy me now.  

Fair enough

I am used to faddishness.  I mean, we had pogs and tomagachis and all that for a little while, but these memes are just there and then they aren’t and they make no sense and then they go away after a while and then people are like “remember that meme from 6 months ago, wasn’t that dumb” like how we can remember the Macarena.

Choreographed danced movements have always fascinated me

Right?!  Like whip and nae nae and all that I mean it is this same tradition going back to like the Twist and even further back to like country western dancing and even further to like those weird courtly dances where people clap and spin each other and whatever.  Very odd stuff.  People have been doing it for ages for fun, and I don’t get it at all.

People like doing the same thing?

Yeah I mean I guess that might be it, everybody likes to be doing the same thing at the same time.  It just always seemed weird to me.  Like ok everybody let’s all move our bodies in exactly the same way in 3...2...1.. Now.  Like is dance supposed to be an expression of music or memorization of specific steps?  What is the purpose of dance?  Even ballroom dancing is sort of weird.  

So what would you prefer?

I dunno that people listen to music and move how they feel their body wants them to move I guess

You will end up with a bunch of Elaines

Maybe that’s true.  So people need to be told how to dance in order to enjoy dancing?  It is all kinds of music too, which is the weirdest thing.  EDM dance people dance in a very specific way.

White people

Is it a white people thing, though?  I dunno I feel like there are just as many choreographed moves for non white people.  Even among the best dancers of all races there is this form of mimicry, of a standardized set of movements that we read as dancing that kind of evolves over time, but remains somewhat the same.  Anyway we got off topic, why are we talking about dancing again?

Because it is weird

Oh right because of memes. Yeah I dunno it is just like things going viral and then they "blow up" and then they get so many "likes" and then they go away again back into the recesses of our minds. Nothing seems permanent anymore. And it is just... well it is tiring. I am tired trying to remember all these things. There are too many stupid things to remember and it is making me tired.

Yeah I don't think that changing jobs would really fix that problem

Nope

So what are you going to do?

Maybe I should just not go on Twitter anymore

You go on Twitter? I didn't even know that. I think I have a Twitter account but I never use it. I don't really understand the point

Now who's old?

I'm pretty sure mostly old people ARE the ones using Twitter at this point, the kids are all on the Snap Chat

I don't even understand what the hell you are supposed to do with Snap Chat

You are old

Yeah I am old. I'm old and tired and I'm at the point where I don't even want to know what Dat Boi is anymore or whatever the next Dat Boi is since Dat Boi is all played out since it is over 6 months old.

I have a confession to make

Shoot

I don't know what Dat Boi is.

You don't know Dat Boi?

I think I pretty much just said that

Oh, right. It's like a cartoon frog on a unicycle for some reason. It is just random. It is just stupid and random and you shouldn't have to ever know what fucking Dat Boi is or any of the other stupid stupid memes

Duly noted

So that's it then, I suppose.

Huh?

What I need to do to not be so tired

So your strategy for not being so tired is...

To ignore memes and maybe take some melatonin. 

Sounds like an excellent prescription

It is as good as any I can think of, I suppose

Guess so