Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Imaginary Conversations - Delete

Here is another in my series of imaginary conversations.  You can view the rest here.  If this is the first one you are reading, this is not an actual conversation that's why it is imaginary.  Get it?

So I am thinking that maybe I should delete my Twitter

Yeah I think I told you that before.  I mean just for your mental sanity, it might be a good idea

No that's not it.  I think I should delete my Facebook too.  And my blog.  Just delete everything.

Wait, what's going on?  I mean you can take a break from social media for a while if it is stressing you out, but do you really need to delete it?  Is the news really stressing you out that much?  

No, no.  I really like getting different perspectives from Twitter and all that.  I follow a lot of interesting people I wouldn't normally interact with in my day to day life.  I don't think I should shut out the news just because it scares me.  I need to stay informed. No I actually like going on Twitter oddly enough and I like writing in my blog its just... I'm worried

Worried? Worried about what?  That you don't really know how to format your blog all that well and people will mock  you for your computer skills, because I wouldn't worry too much

Wait what?  No.. Wait you think I don't format my blog well?

Well, no.  I mean there are gaps and breaks in text when you add pictures sometimes and you really have a hard time sticking with a consistent font and it doesn't really look all that cohesive.  Also, I mean let's be honest, you don't blog all that consistently so if you are trying to build any kind of following you aren't really doing that great of a job.  Is that what you are talking about?  

Well no, but fuck now I am all self conscious about my blog.  Maybe I should delete it.  

I'm sorry.  I figured you were looking for constructive criticism.

I was not

Oh.  Well then why do you want to delete your Twitter and your Facebook and your blog if you aren't stressing about what people are writing and you are stressing about people judging you for your bad grammar and formatting issues?  

I'm worried about the government

Well, yeah.  I mean that is kind of the point of your blog and Twitter isn't it?  To talk about your worries?  

No.  I mean.. yes, that's what I do a lot of the time on my Twitter and my blog, but what I'm worried about is the government reading my blog or my Twitter

Why would the government read your blog or your twitter?  Like 20 people read your blog and you have less than 300 followers on Twitter.  

Gee, thanks for the boost 

Sorry.  But seriously, why are you worried?

Well, I mean I have made not so subtle threats against the life of our President elect


Yeah.  So like... I dunno... I feel like that is protected speech, right?  Because I haven't said anything really actionable right?  I mean I haven't said that I am going to do something on such and such a day and I haven't actually gone out and bought a sniper rifle or staked out parade routes or other shit that would involve the Secret Service have I?  


So like I feel like it should be ok.  I mean these GamerGate assholes harass these women and nothing happens to them.  And like a ton of people have said shitty things about Obama, right? 


So maybe I am just freaking out about nothing, but like I feel like I have definitely said that I want to straight up murder our future president on more than one occasion.  I mean if the election went the other way then it wouldn't be a problem.  I mean I didn't know that the election would go this way.  

Have you made any of those kinds of threats since Election day?

I mean... that's the thing, I can't even remember.  I know I said that I wish he pulled a William Henry Harrison which is just like saying I wish he died of natural causes so I don't think that counts...

Yeah. That kind of stuff is fine.  You should be fine

After that whole Hamilton thing, though, I think I said something like "Well maybe he should go to the theater too.  Nothing bad ever happens to Presidents when they go to the theater"

Oooph.  That's a little bad. Jesus.

I may have also suggested that Chris Evans suit up as Captain America and beat his head in with his shield.  


And I may have also said that...

Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there.  You probably shouldn't be saying all those things.

Right?  I mean I know that!  Intellectually I know that saying that I want to assassinate the President elect is bad thing.  That is like insanity.  I mean what sensible person would write in a public medium that they wish bodily harm done to the President and Vice President elect.  

VP too?

Oh yeah that dude is worse.  That dude is a fucking asshole.  It would be awesome if they were both on a plane together and somebody got like a drone and just... 


Right, yeah... Yeah, so I shouldn't be saying that shit right?  Like I feel like in the normal world it might be ok.  Like the normal world pre election?  But now that we are straight up living in some kind of bizarro dystopian future where Russian hackers can just read everybody's emails and then report it to our new dictator... 

Really?  Dystopian future?  Aren't you blowing things a little bit out of proportion?  

Am I though?  

Yeah.  Yeah I really think you are, this time.  I mean there are checks and balances and things

Listen.  I understand that there are legal means for his removal.  I understand that the Electoral College could, by some Christmas miracle, decide not to give him the votes he needs and then Congress will have to decide and maybe they could pick somebody else.  Or if he is inaugurated he could die because he is pretty old and things could go pretty much back to normal except the VP is really awful too and I don't think he would be much better.  But I don't see a scenario that is optimistic in the future.  I just don't.  

Well you have to think that it is only going to be 4 years and he might be too incompetent to do the horrible things that he wants to do. 

Ok, I am not trying to be ableist or anything, but the man is fucking insane.  I mean I don't want to armchair diagnose him with narcissistic personality disorder or something but this man will have the fucking nuclear codes and he pops off on Twitter after every slight offense.  What do you think is going to happen when he is inaugurated?  Jesus fucking Christ I mean he could send the National Guard in and shit.  There are SO many powers given to the president that don't require Congressional approval.  And even if it did, Congress is Republican.  Even if some of those Republicans are not complete nut jobs would they turn against him?  I don't think so.  

This is America, though.  You are talking as if we are in like some banana republic or 3rd world fledgling democracy.  The kind of stuff you are talking about won't happen here.  We aren't just going to become like... Libya or something.  

What makes you say so?  

Huh?  I don't even know how to answer that question.  We aren't going to become Libya.  

See, I don't know. Think about possible scenarios. He does what he says he is going to and our economy tanks because his proposals are bullshit.  The neo Nazis that he has already emboldened decide to blame minorities for the economic collapse because they won't blame him.  The hate crimes which have already gone up, become completely normalized and more widespread.  Muslims are put into camps, millions of Mexicans are deported.  The situation in Syria gets worse because we actively support Russian interests now. The President enriches himself on trade agreements and back door deals.  He does very little actual governance, but delegates a lot to his underlings, content to see himself as more of a figurehead.  He holds regular rallies to drum up support, electing to wear an epauletted military style outfit to seem stronger.  Dissatisfied with "Mainstream media," he does not allow them access to his presidency, instead deciding to create his own channel where he can deliver messages directly to the people.  Massive discontent throughout the nation.  Armed insurrection, collapse of our democracy...  

Yikes.  Ok but I don't think all that is going to happen.  People would stop it before it got that far.  Even the Republicans don't want an actual straight up dictator.  

Fascism creep is real.  You say they don't want a dictator, but everything I have been hearing from the right wing has been just that.  They don't want the government taking away their guns in case they need to fight back against "the government" but when the government agrees with their philosophies and prejudices they are just fine with it.  They want the government to tell women what to do with their bodies, to let them discriminate if they want to, to appear strong militarily, to get rid of people they don't like and make America the way they want it to be.  They don't believe in "politicians" who are too "corrupted" and so turned to an outsider without any experience because he was "like them" even though he wasn't. He is Mussolini.  He is Gaddafi.  He is Saddam Hussein.  I mean Jesus he gives his kids security clearance.  He is Saddam Hussein.  

Ok, I do have to admit that the thing with the kids and the gold palaces and stuff is very Hussein-ish

You really don't think he will have statues of himself made around the country?  They are going to be spending a million dollars a day protecting his little brat in his penthouse.  He doesn't give a shit.  I can only hope he just ends up the same as Mussolini and Gaddafi: dragged in the street.

Um... I thought we were not doing the vague threats of physical violence thing.


You gotta watch that kind of shit

See, that's what I'm saying!  He already has a list of enemies.  Who knows what kind of technology he has access to?  What if we have like the machine from Person of Interest or that thing that Hydra had in Winter Solider than can just target undesirables?!  We already have drones.  When will he start using drones on his own citizens?!  Imprisoning dissidents?!  Please remember me when I am taken to the camps

Oh for fuck's sake quit being so melodramatic

Am I being melodramatic?!  Can't you imagine somebody in some foreign nation pissing him off and he starts WW3?!  Death, destruction, nuclear war.  I'm fucking scared, okay?  I'm scared.  I am legit thinking about deleting my blog because I'm afraid the government is going to round me up.  That isn't fucking normal.  This isn't normal.

I know.  I know it isn't normal.  I'm not trying to be dismissive, I'm just trying to calm you down

How can I be fucking calm?!  How can I be fucking calm?!  This is the reality now.  We are literally living in the plot of Winter Soldier.  Hydra has fucking won.  What the fuck are we going to do?  We have supervillains but not super heroes.  Why can't we just have some superheroes?

So you want vigilantes?  Terrorists?

I mean... I wouldn't say no to vigilantes if they are the good kind.  Like if they kill white supremacists or something.  

You are advocating murder now?

Well no.  I mean there aren't vigilantes out there killing white supremacists or anything I'm just saying if there WERE I think I might be like... not sad.  

When did you get so violent?  I thought you were all against the death penalty and stuff.

Well I am against the death penalty because I believe our criminal justice system is ultimately flawed and racist and disproportionately incarcerates/ executes people of color.  But, I dunno... like white supremacists and child killers and stuff like that... I mean if the evidence is all there... I dunno. I guess I'm saying vigilantes wouldn't be terrible.  

So bad people deserve to be murdered?  Talk about fascism creep

Aww crap, you are right.  Dammit.  You are right. If I am talking about preserving democracy on the one hand I can't just go around beating down assholes with the other.  I'm being kind of hypocritical

Ya think?

Ok, ok.  Fine. I don't want vigilantes murdering people.  But I do want vigilantes still.  Like white hat hackers and stuff.  We only get these asshole Russians fucking everything up for us, where are the good hackers releasing tax returns and shady emails from him and all that.  Or like stealing money from the banks and giving it to poor people.  Like Robin Hood shit.  That kind of stuff.  I just want a hero, ya know?  

But isn't that the kind of thinking that got us into this mess?  That some magical person out there will save us from everything and fix all our problems?  Isn't that how we ended up here?

I know it is.  I do.  I really do.  But we are here, ya know?  I mean we already allowed this to happen.  We already have a deranged Lex Luthor wannabe madman as our President elect.  Now that we are here, now that we've allowed this to happen, what else are we supposed to do but hope that there are heroes too?  

So why don't you be a hero?

I don't know how to hack and I can't throw a punch

I mean in other ways

I don't really know how.  I'm more of a follower.  I just need somebody to follow.  Somebody good, though.  Or good enough.  Somebody that can help save us from this insanity at least a little bit

You know that's what they thought too

I do.  God dammit, I do.  Dammit.  I just feel so fucking hopeless right now.  I called my Congresswoman and cried on the phone with her intern.  I donated a bunch of money to ACLU and SPLC and Standing Rock and all that.  It just doesn't feel like enough.  I feel fucking helpless.  I feel like the world is crumbling around me and the only thing that will make me feel like I have any power at all is if I somehow develop superpowers and drop a giant novelty safe on top of our future president


Oh come on, they can't come after me over fantasizing about a fucking Acme safe dropping on him. That is not actionable intelligence.  Whatever.  Come at me Secret Service.  I will drop safes on all of you with my extend-o-arms.  

Maybe you should delete your blog

You know what?  I don't think I will after all


No.  I realized that all I have are words.  I don't really have anything else right now.  I am not a fucking vigilante or a superhero or even fucking Greenpeace.  I'm just... well I'm just me.  I am angry and I am scared and I can't really do anything else but write right now to try to keep me sane.

So keep writing

But what about the whole "Shmurder Shmonald Shmump" stuff? 

We do still have the 1st amendment.  They haven't taken it away.  Just don't, ya know, do anything stupid.

Do?  What am I going to do?  I can't do anything.  This is just writing you know.  

I know.  But just like don't, I dunno... go publishing a manifesto or something

A manifesto?  Jesus.  No.  Fuck no.  Like I said I am just a fucking coward behind a computer I don't really know how to do anything actionable.  

Ok. I'm just saying.  It is probably a good idea to... ya know.. watch that shit.  

Yeah.  Fuck.  

Are you ok?

No.  Are you?!

I mean to be honest, no I'm not. 

I don't know if I am going to be "okay" for a long time.  

I get that.  I'm here for you when you need me you know. 

I do.  

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