Wow! I can't believe just 7 months ago I had never seen a single Fast and Furious movie and now I got the chance to see one on the big screen for the very first time! This is a really important milestone. If you haven't read my other recaps, you can find them here. This whole thing is full of spoilers. You have been warned. On to the recap of Fate of the Furious, a film so bonkers it almost boggles the mind.
Our story begins in Cuba where Letty and Dom have presumably been living for some time. There is an old fashioned butt jiggling car party, hearkening back to the early years of the series in a charmingly nostalgic way. As it is Cuba, most of the cars were classics from the 50s, which was novel and very cool to see. A young kid, whose name I did not catch but who is identified as Dom's cousin, has run into some trouble with the local butt jiggling car party organizer/ street racer/ maybe gang dude? Dom has a cousin apparently. Neat. Dom's cousin has a shit car and can't race for crap so Dom agrees to race so that he can keep his shit car. Unfortunately the street racing kingpin dude says Dom has to drive the shit car in the race instead of his nice car. Uh oh! Time for Dom to
|Newest addition to the crew|
|What is your deal, lady?|
We then catch up with Hobbs who is a coach for his daughter's soccer team doing the full dad
|I guess this is prob cultural appropriation but it was cute af|
Everybody meets up and chases down some dude who stole an EMP and Tej rigs up some cute looking wrecking balls and everything goes great. Then all of a sudden as they are heading home, Dom turns on the team, steals the EMP, and runs. Letty is heartbroken, everybody is like WTF. It pretty much sucks. Also I guess what they were doing was illegal? Oh right like because they aren't official agents? I dunno I really don't understand the organizational structure of how they get their jobs. At any rate Hobbs is arrested and Mr. Nobody shows up with his douche canoe assistant Little
Mr. Nobody brings Hobbs and Shaw to the super secret base of whatever organization Nobody happens to work for, and the rest of the crew is already there. Everybody is pissed that Shaw is there,
|I will never forget you, my sweet angel|
Anyway, for the sake of the film they need Shaw's help because he has some experience with this Cipher lady who has recruited Dom for reasons unknown. Roman suggests they use Gods Eye, that nifty Person of Interest machine that can locate anybody anywhere that they were tracking down last film. Unfortunately, it starts to ping all over the place because Cipher is this crazy hacker lady. Oh and Ramsey has heard of her but she thought it was like a whole organization of people because they do such awesome awesome hacking. So yeah basically they are saying that it was this Cipher chick who set everything in motion the last couple of movies and she has really been the big bad all along.
Where was I? Oh right. So they are looking for Dom but the thing doesn't work so then Ramsey tries another magical hacking doodle and they figure out that the CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE! Cipher and Dom roll in and and shoot up the place and steal Gods Eye. Everybody is super sad and disappointed in Dom but nobody dies in the attack. In the aftermath, Letty suggests maybe they call Brian and Mia for help, but apparently his time in this life is done. I like that they kept Brian the character alive for the sake of the film, living his life in peace away from all this craziness. Paul will be with us in spirit forever. So Dom and Cipher return to their hidden airplane of doom and we finally figure out why Dom is working for her: she has kidnapped Elena! Not only that, Elena apparently had a baby with Dom in that time before Letty came back that he didn't know about and she's got the baby too! OMG Dom is a dad!!! BABY!!! What?! Alright so now this makes a lot more sense. His child is on the line that's why he is doing what Cipher wants. When it comes to family, family takes precedence over "family."
The team tries to figure out their next plan of action, which apparently involves Mr. Nobody taking them to a secret garage that is hidden behind a fish processing plant. The garage has a ton of dope rides, including tanks, because its all the stuff seized from drug dealers over the years. Cool. Roman basically cums just walking into the place. Tej really wants a tank. Back in the legion of doom, Cipher sends Dom on a run to do something but he fakes his car being broken down and sneaks away to talk to Helen Mirren!! Helen Mirren plays a total badass like street thug gang leader. I love her. She was amazing. We cut back to the FF crew who are sniping at each other, particularly Hobbs and Shaw who really just need to get a room already. Actually, can we talk about this because the first few films had SO much queerbaiting that I came to really expect them in the films. Then as the series took a more action focused turn a lot of those bromance moments went away. I'm actually kind of glad they found their rhythm again with Hobbs and Shaw.
|what is even happening?|
Shaw chases after Dom, and Dom shoots him. DAMN! Letty chases after him too, but he can't bring himself to shoot her also. Tormund from Game of Thrones, who is like one of Cipher's flunkies DOES pull a gun on Letty, but Dom convinces him to let her go and the two take off with the nuclear codes. Letty is absolutely heartbroken, though happy that Dom didn't have it in him to actually shoot her. She believes in him, but she doesn't know what to do. Dom could have attempted to communicate SOMEWHAT with her, but alas. Meanwhile, everybody's pretty angry that Dom just murdered Shaw, except for me who remembers Han more than his friends. My dear Han, by Grapthar's Hammer you shall be avenged.
|What Roman SHOULD look like after that dip|
|Damn this baby is cute|
Anyway, with the Shaw bros doing their thing, Dom is free to kill Tormund and help his buddies.
|I can't even explain this. I won't even try.|
|Team Cipher blasting of agaaaaaaain|
- Man I really enjoyed Deckard Shaw in this movie and his dumb banter with Hobbs. Why couldn't they have just said that he didn't really kill Han, or he was brainwashed, or Han was really alive? I just don't know how they can expect the audience to keep on board with this
- Movie pitch: Furious Babies. Like either the babies of all the crew OR the whole crew but just as babies street racing strollers and stuff.
- Not all hackers need white people dreads. Just.. stop
- The way the film ended things with Ramsey, Tej and Roman implied that maybe Ramsey might not be into dudes at all, which I would 100% be on board for. It would be great if they took that whole fighting over her element out of the film all together and just made her an equal partner. She is smarter than half the damn team, she doesn't need to be viewed entirely on her relationship with a dude.
- A lot of people didn't like this movie, but I actually enjoyed it IMMENSELY because of how batshit and goofy it was. It really didn't take itself seriously which was the biggest problem I had with some of the others in the series. I love batshit goofy movies, dammit.
- Movie pitch: Fast-tastic Voyage. The FF crew is shrunken down and injected into Dom's blood stream after he develops a rare form of cancer that can only be cured by street racing through his circulatory system
- Movie pitch: Fast and Furiosa. Cipher sets off a nuclear bomb causing destruction of most of the planet. Only the FF crew survive and, along with Cipher's twin sister Furiosa, they race through the desolate, scorched landscape searching for peace and security.
- Movie pitch: Fast and Furious but in space. Its like a pod racing movie or something.
Well that's it for a while. Thank you for joining me on this furious journey.
And remember: Live your life a quarter mile at a time.