Imaginary Conversations - Tired

I found a file on my Google Drive labeled “Tired”

What was in it?

Nothing

What do you mean, nothing?

I mean it was just a blank Google Document with no text in it.  It just had a filename, which was “Tired.”

Do you think you wrote something and deleted it accidentally?

I don’t even remember.  Maybe?  But I am usually able to see modification dates and all I see it just a creation of a file on May 14 and then nothing.  I mean I would remember if I wrote something right?

Maybe you created a file with the intention of writing something but then got too tired to actually write anything

Why wouldn’t I delete it then?

Maybe you were too tired

Actually that sounds like the most likely answer to be honest

Are you tired a lot?

I am constantly tired

Are you getting enough sleep?

No

You should get more sleep then

Boy, what great advice you give

I detect the sarcasm and I’m not really getting it.  If you know that you are tired and you know you aren’t getting enough sleep then you should get more sleep and maybe you won’t be so tired.  It seems pretty clear cut

Yeah but you are just saying “get sleep” as if I can just get sleep.  

I’m not following.  Are you saying that you have sleeping problems?  Maybe you should try sleeping pills.

I hate sleeping pills

Ok melatonin then.  Melatonin is good for you.  I’m sure you can find some in the Natural foods section of the store.  

What does that even mean?

Huh?

“Natural.” Everything is natural.  If it modifies your chemistry it is a drug.  Maybe it isn’t as strong a regulated drug.  Ugh these people with the natural.  Oh my god it’s like totally natural it’s so good for you.  Just so natural.  Naturally good.  Nature’s goodness...  

You know I’m not even going to get into this argument with you about natural because I do know that you are right in some respects, but in this case I’m just saying that it is a hormone that naturally exists in the body and taking supplements helps you sleep but in a different way than a sedative hypnotic.  

Fine, fine fair enough

So you should try it

Maybe I just need to drink more coffee

Well how much coffee are you drinking?

I have a cup of coffee with breakfast and then I fill a little to go cup which is about another cup and a half and have that with my morning break at like 10

That’s all?  Just 2 cups of coffee for the whole entire day?!  Well there’s your problem right there.

So miss “natural” is saying that I need stimulants

I’m not miss natural and heck yeah I’m saying you need stimulants how do you think people function through the day?

So you are saying that everybody else in the world is drinking more coffee than me?

Not everyone in the world, but like most people I know drink way more coffee than that

How much more?  How much coffee do you drink?

At least 4 cups a day

You drink 4 cups of coffee a day and you don’t have sleep problems?

No, why would I?

If I have that much caffeine I am up until like 1 in the morning

So?  I usually go to bed at around 1

You do?!  And when do you wake up in the morning?

8 maybe 8:15.  I have to be at work at 9, but I don’t live too far

Ah well there it is then.  I am up by 6:30

You wake up at 6:30 on purpose?  Why?  Do you work out every day or something?

No, I have to be at work at 8 and I live about a half hour away from work so I have to leave at 7:25. I’ve timed it.  I need an hour to shower, dress, make breakfast etc.  I have done it in less time like woken up at 7 and just rushed out the door but I don’t recommend it on a regular basis

Shit

Yep

You should get another job that starts later

You are suggesting, let me understand this… you are suggesting that I quit my place of employment so that I can get another job that starts later?

You have to take care of yourself.  You are saying that you are tired all the time.  That tells me you are not getting enough sleep or you are not getting enough caffeine.  You say that you can’t do too much caffeine otherwise it will prevent you from sleeping which I don’t recommend.  Your amazement at my 1am bedtime indicates to me that you are going to bed well before 1 which means you are probably getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night going to bed at what?  11:30? You could try going to bed earlier than 11 to get the sleep you need but then pretty much what would you be doing with your evenings.  So yeah, I say get a job that lets you go into work later so that you can sleep in a little.  Your rhythm sounds like it is off.  

People don’t do that, though

What do you mean people don’t do that?

I mean people don’t just quit their jobs to find other jobs just because they start a little later so they can sleep.  I have heard of people commuting well over an hour for a job that paid better. I have heard of people moving across the country to find a position. I have heard of people working two, sometimes three jobs so they can support their families.  I have never heard of somebody quitting a perfectly well paying job simply to get another job that starts later, not since.. I dunno, college or something.  Not in this economy.

Thanks, Obama.

Obama doesn’t really have anything to do with being lazy.

Ugh, I was just saying it ironically like “Thanks, Obama” when Harambe died.

I don’t want to fucking hear the name Harambe again for as long as I live

A little callus toward a wrongfully murdered endangered species aren’t we?

You know what I am not even going to acknowledge that with a response because I am so fucking sick to death with people arguing about a fucking gorilla.

Yeesh, ok, ok…

It is just fucking meme culture.  I am just tired of god damned meme culture.  Grumpy Cat, Nyan Cat, Pusheen the Cat… so many fucking cats.  And then fucking gorillas and Damn Daniels and Dat Bois and crying Michael Jordans and angry Michael Phelpses and weird looking SpongeBobs and…

And Jingtinglers and Floofloovers…

Did you just quote the Grinch right now?

Uh…

Am I fucking old?  Is the problem I am fucking old?  

I mean, I wasn’t gonna say it but…

Maybe this is just how old people feel.  Maybe old people are just tired and annoyed at young people  

Young people, hah.  We are technically millennials, you know.

Yeah I’ve mentioned to you before that this whole millennial thing is bullshit, right?  I have nothing fucking in common with some kid born in 1998.  

Yeah, yeah if you had a kid in high school they would be in high school right now..

Exactly, so I really don’t think we should be lumped in with them.  We really need our own generation name.  Somebody online was talking about like Oregon Trail generation or whatever because if you grew up playing that game in elementary school you are in it.  

I think I saw that same thing.

So anyway, yeah… I feel like if I am old enough to be complaining about the young people then I can’t possibly be in the same generation as them.  That makes no sense whatsoever.

Sure, I guess.  But isn’t it the same with Boomers?  Like the baby boom was from the end of the war to like sixty something right?  

They are calling “Millennial” literally anybody born after 1980 which is absurd.  Whatever, it isn’t important what we are called, I guess it is more important that young people annoy me now.  

Fair enough

I am used to faddishness.  I mean, we had pogs and tomagachis and all that for a little while, but these memes are just there and then they aren’t and they make no sense and then they go away after a while and then people are like “remember that meme from 6 months ago, wasn’t that dumb” like how we can remember the Macarena.

Choreographed danced movements have always fascinated me

Right?!  Like whip and nae nae and all that I mean it is this same tradition going back to like the Twist and even further back to like country western dancing and even further to like those weird courtly dances where people clap and spin each other and whatever.  Very odd stuff.  People have been doing it for ages for fun, and I don’t get it at all.

People like doing the same thing?

Yeah I mean I guess that might be it, everybody likes to be doing the same thing at the same time.  It just always seemed weird to me.  Like ok everybody let’s all move our bodies in exactly the same way in 3...2...1.. Now.  Like is dance supposed to be an expression of music or memorization of specific steps?  What is the purpose of dance?  Even ballroom dancing is sort of weird.  

So what would you prefer?

I dunno that people listen to music and move how they feel their body wants them to move I guess

You will end up with a bunch of Elaines

Maybe that’s true.  So people need to be told how to dance in order to enjoy dancing?  It is all kinds of music too, which is the weirdest thing.  EDM dance people dance in a very specific way.

White people

Is it a white people thing, though?  I dunno I feel like there are just as many choreographed moves for non white people.  Even among the best dancers of all races there is this form of mimicry, of a standardized set of movements that we read as dancing that kind of evolves over time, but remains somewhat the same.  Anyway we got off topic, why are we talking about dancing again?

Because it is weird

Oh right because of memes. Yeah I dunno it is just like things going viral and then they "blow up" and then they get so many "likes" and then they go away again back into the recesses of our minds. Nothing seems permanent anymore. And it is just... well it is tiring. I am tired trying to remember all these things. There are too many stupid things to remember and it is making me tired.

Yeah I don't think that changing jobs would really fix that problem

Nope

So what are you going to do?

Maybe I should just not go on Twitter anymore

You go on Twitter? I didn't even know that. I think I have a Twitter account but I never use it. I don't really understand the point

Now who's old?

I'm pretty sure mostly old people ARE the ones using Twitter at this point, the kids are all on the Snap Chat

I don't even understand what the hell you are supposed to do with Snap Chat

You are old

Yeah I am old. I'm old and tired and I'm at the point where I don't even want to know what Dat Boi is anymore or whatever the next Dat Boi is since Dat Boi is all played out since it is over 6 months old.

I have a confession to make

Shoot

I don't know what Dat Boi is.

You don't know Dat Boi?

I think I pretty much just said that

Oh, right. It's like a cartoon frog on a unicycle for some reason. It is just random. It is just stupid and random and you shouldn't have to ever know what fucking Dat Boi is or any of the other stupid stupid memes

Duly noted

So that's it then, I suppose.

Huh?

What I need to do to not be so tired

So your strategy for not being so tired is...

To ignore memes and maybe take some melatonin. 

Sounds like an excellent prescription

It is as good as any I can think of, I suppose

Guess so